Silent treatment.
My Partner used to use this a lot over years. Sometimes going days without uttering a word, which absolutely destroyed me. The sun used to shine out of his bottom he was my best friend and I loved him and looked up to him right until the weeks before we split when all I felt was anger hurt and confusion.
I call him out on it a lot now and it seems to nip it in the bud before he can even try it. I worry I may be going crazy though as I often freak out at him if he seems quiet or moody, I ask if he is In a mood or if I've upset him, or I outright tell him he'd better not go in a sulk because I've given him a home truth about something. He always just says he isn't giving me the silent treatment and I'm not sure if it's in my head or not. I have started to get panicky, heart racing, feeling frantic if he starts to act off. I'm not even sure why as I don't feel how I used to. I just feel numb and achy when I think about him.
He is a lot better than he used to be but I am less emotionally connected to him. We did split a couple of years ago because I'd had enough but he refused to either stay with family or friends or try to (at the time) get another job to rent private as his seasonal work had ended. He said I was awful for taking away his kids, despite telling him I'd never stop him seeing them and was happy to arrange fair custody. He basically said stay as a family or he wouldn't see kids, it was down to me. He said it was crap that I got to make all of the decisions and where was his say in it all. Through all this I kept to my decision to not have him in the same house as me but I stayed with family until he would find somewhere to live and he was in my house still. When it was time for him to leave, I thought he'd go to his family's house and stay with them but he got on a train (told me where) and then later texted me to say he had tried to find somewhere to jump from but couldn't and that he hated me I wasn't invited to his funeral. He then told me never to contact him again and he was just going to find a bench and hope the cold finished him.
I've lost someone to suicide when I was young so I jumped in the car and went to find him, hard feelings or not. (He was in a small town about 20 miles away, easy enough to spot along one high street).
I found him walking down the road eating chips, face like thunder and he walked off from me. Refused to speak to me when I asked him to come back with me on agreement that we go to the doctors the following day (or when we could get an appointment). He basically walked off and I told him to contact me if he wanted to accept my help. He contacted me later that night and I told him to go back to the house and I'd see him the next day.
I agreed to let him live with me for a bit again and to go on days out with him and the kids. Eventually I fell for him again, he was full of life and made the kids so happy. After a few months the resentment set in. I felt cheated, played. When we'd split i'd felt strong and indepent and he'd slowly chipped away at me and I bloody caved in to him. I feel angry and cheated all of the time and I'm scared that if I ever kicked him out again he would go into a bad mental state and do something that would hurt him. I also don't want the kids to lose their father. He's good with them and I was shocked by the way he was when we split, it would damage them and cause them to hate me if I took him away.
Anyway now I'm the one who gets annoyed with him, I'm the one who doesn't want to be affectionate and I'm the one who's moods are all over the place. If we ever split, it would be him getting away from his mood, cold mad partner.
I could've bubbled up with my family if I was single too which really gets to me, I honesty would rather spend time with them but the kids need their dad.
Vent over I suppose. Thanks if you've read this far and sorry if bits are rambled and don't make sense. I'm feeling rubbish and my brain feels foggy.