BPD Husband

[SchmooobyDoo]

Anyone have experience of Borderline Personality Disorder in their partner?

DH starts something, it escalates. Yes, I lose the plot at times... As it comes from nowhere.

He then makes out that I started it / am mental / making him like that, etc... I can’t take anymore.

@SchmooobyDoo

He’s been working on it, Candy. He’s aware of the problem, and it had improved a lot lately. He’s been really trying hard, for our son’s sake. But, also telling me that I need to work on myself.

There have been a crop of bad episodes in the last week. And it’s coincided with me smelling green leaves on him. They’re banned from this house. He admitted he had them.

Yep, that sounds familiar! Mine thought of weed as some sort of magical medicine, said it made him better - all it seemed to do was make the anger worse when he didn't have any..

I'm sure that for people who do work hard on their disorder like Candy, and who take responsibility for themselves, they can improve and get better. My husband told me that he'd already improved a lot, compared to how he was when he was younger, and maybe he had. But for him to get to a point where we could have a happy and non-abusive marriage... That would be years and years in the future, if ever, and I couldn't do that to myself anymore. Its still early days for me and my self esteem is still crippled, I am still so afraid of him and he's left me with a lot of debt, but I already feel lighter and like I can see a way back to being myself again.

Sad, isn’t it irishoak? I’m a happy, cheerful person, yet I’m the one who was awake all night crying in my bed (in the baby’s room). He’s still in bed now.

I hate weed. I was so pissed off when I smelled it. I don’t want it in the same house as my son. It & the recent anger are definitely related...

@SchmooobyDoo

I’ve been very understanding. But I think I’ve turned a corner, and I can’t go back...

Please don't go back. You don't deserve any of this.

@SchmooobyDoo it's so sad, because the man I met would have hated what he's doing to me and to his life, but it feels like he's a different person these days. Have you read about things like splitting, favorite person, discard, etc? It helped me make sense of it all, a little.

You don't need an excuse or for your Dh to have a diagnosis.
He is making your life miserable, he will make your DS life miserable if you don't leave.
I have limited experience with a friendship with someone with BPD. They can't hold down long term relationships, they can't let go of anger and blaming others. They are hard work and I limit my time with them because the endless anger is soul-destroying.