Is it normal to go over the past of a marriage slightly obsessively? I would say that on the whole I am happily married. We have two teenagers, DH works hard and has worked a lot on the house. We get on well, have a great family life and sex life etc. Everything you could want really. However, for maybe a 7 year period when we were going through the pregnancy/baby/toddler phase, DH was horrible. It was weird how awful he became. I hesitate to use the word 'abuse' considering what some women go through, but I did come to a realisation that this wasn't just stricter discipline, or the usual frustration with toddler behaviour, but was emotional abuse and occasionally physical abuse (way too much smacking - well no smacking is acceptable in my view). He seemed to have so much anger and resentment towards the DC. I didn't leave because I didn't want him looking after them by himself and also because I eventually gained the courage to stand up and say this is wrong, I have faith in myself that I can manage their behaviour in a positive way and that I don't always have to back you up if I feel that your parenting is unhealthy. You have to change. - And he did. Not immediately, but over time. I realised that his behaviour was due to his own difficult experiences growing up and expectations of the role of a father, and I think it was a relief to him to let go of that and have a different dynamic. We have never really talked too much about it. He still doesn't quite realise the extent to which his behaviour was abnormal. But every few months I go through a spell of being really depressed and resentful towards him. I can't eat or sleep much, I want to cry all the time and endlessly quiz him about a suspected infidelity which he denies and happened at the time when he had all this resentment towards us. After about a month of my mood going up and down and feeling like I'm going crazy, I eventually get through it somehow and feel normal again, but it just keeps coming back a few months later. I am worried that once the DC leave home I will just walk out because of what happened years ago. Am I unreasonable in holding onto all of this and dwelling on it?