New relationship

[Sosad2021]

Been seeing someone for a few weeks. Seems nice, a bit opinionated but the big issue is he is happy to come to my house. We are both single and agreed to bubble. However he hasn't invited me to his house. I have suggested it twice and he says no it's a mess. I'm feeling uneasy

If he's a slattern like this, refuses to cook/wash up/clean up... then what else is he slatternly about? How is hos personal hygiene?

Is the sex at least worth all this or does he just want you to get on top and do all the work??

I once went round to a date's house and it put me off completely. It was full to the brim of horded stuff, mess, would never be able to find anything. No bed, just mattress on the floor. Not a lifestyle I could ever entertain even though he was nice enough. Never saw him after that.

Ditch.

If you waste your time then it stops you using that time to find someone decent. Don’t do that to yourself

I agree.... seeing how he lives tells you a lot about a person.... he's hiding this information from you ...

ditch 🌺

Just a few weeks and he's already in your home having dinner, not offering to cook or wash up either?

The issue firstly is your lack of boundaries, never mind going to the house of a clearly lazy slob. Unless you're planning to go there and clean up or something.

Chair to bed 'relationship', feet under the table too quickly, red flags not being acknowledged.

Thank you everyone

It's messy! You are in the early stages and surely you are worth tidying up for, I would think long and hard about progressing this relationship any further x

@Butterfly44

I once went round to a date's house and it put me off completely. It was full to the brim of horded stuff, mess, would never be able to find anything. No bed, just mattress on the floor. Not a lifestyle I could ever entertain even though he was nice enough. Never saw him after that.

I immediately binned men whose home or car was a tip. It's indicative of how they are.

@DeeCeeCherry

Just a few weeks and he's already in your home having dinner, not offering to cook or wash up either?

The issue firstly is your lack of boundaries, never mind going to the house of a clearly lazy slob. Unless you're planning to go there and clean up or something.

Chair to bed 'relationship', feet under the table too quickly, red flags not being acknowledged.

This.

You really shouldn't be dating whilst your boundaries and standards are so low. You're just a target for lazy, scummy men.

The uneasy feeling is your senses telling you that there is something to feel uneasy about. Listen to what your emotions tell you. Always. Respond to your emotions with respect. That means not overriding them, unless you have a solid concrete reason that make complete sense to you.

Can you think of a solid, concrete reason why your uneasy feelings are misplaced, here?

Have you Googled his name op?

Has a common name so it doesn't help

When this happened to my friend, turned out he was married.

Is he on your sm?

No not on my sm

Suggest he adds you /you add him. Watch his reaction.. Dh's house was a tip but he still had me round.... He didn't even have a working cooker - or a TV at one point!!

I don't mind mess I'm not the that tidy plus he has 2 days to tidy!

Warn him in advance. Say next week we can give round yours, you have plenty of time to tidy.

If he refuses, dump him. Hes hiding something.

At best, he doesn’t care about you enough to tidy up to have you round and can’t be arsed being the host.

At worst he has worked out that if he comes to you, you do all the work while he gets waited on hand and foot with sex thrown in as a bonus.

I might throw this one back where you found him OP. He doesn’t respect you, and this is in the early stages where he’s on best behaviour.

Actually no, worst case scenario he’s married or has a partner, and they think he’s at work/ at a mates while he’s with you.

Does he live alone? If so do you actually know this?

He probably lives in a house share/has a flat mate