lets start at the beginning. 10 years ago at college I was in a very social class and everyone was amazing. Each semester we had to work in groups to get aquainted with eachother. In the second semester I got to work with G and we became buddies in no time. G was 3 years younger then me but that was'nt noticable at all, we were all giggles. Over time our friendship grew and we were talking daily, in class, texting, name it. That time I already had a bf for over 4 years and loved him dearly. And G knew that.
Near the end of the year we got in somewhat argument about something irrelivant. Which made me ask him '' do you like me or something? Why do you react like this' . In which he replied 'yes'. After that we did'nt speak. Our mutual friend told me he liked me for quite a while but didnt want to tell me due to my relationship. Summerbreak went by and I heard he was heartbroken, he loved me. And I didnt do anything about it.. I just let him be in pain.
In year 2 I decided to switch studies. He came up to me and told me we were grouped again. In which I replied I was quiting the study. And he left the room.
a year later I tried to contact him through FB messenger and he was curt . I told him I was there for him if he wanted to talk but he told me off by saying he got his own friends.
6 years later I got my first baby and he congratulated me by FB and mentioned he wasnt on FB a lot and we could text so I gave hm my number and we talked for a bit. He told me he made a switch in study and was studying Sociology for now. We talked for a few weeks (about 3) before he mentioned he had a study project in which he had to do a social experiment with a baby and asked if he could study my baby for about 15 minutes ( with me there ofcourse) in which I replied 'Sure'.
After this I never heard from him. was I rude by saying a simple 'Sure', needed I to say more?
Current day its almost 10 years later. I noticed that I have been thinking about him everyday for a year now. The 9 years before it was every other day or maybe once a week if I was too busy. I have had baby no2 and am engaged for 3 years (same partner as 10 years ago) . But still he is on my mind everyday, I've dreamt about him and wonder how he's doing every day. I miss him.
For a few days I've been thinking about contacting him. but there are a few things that are stopping me.
What if he only contacted me because he needed to study my baby ( which he didnt do in the end) and he contacted me weeks before.
Do I want to be my own homewrecker and destroy my kids'and family's life?
Am I causing him more pain if I bring this subject up again?
And a contradicting one Could I be more happier with him?
I never told him about my feelings, and considering I have been thinking about him for 10 years.. I might even love him? I do miss him a lot.
I was a 'princess' back then, spoiled, only caring about how I feel. And now I feel like I am again, only caring about how I feel. should I suck it up and feel like this forever? Or should I contact him and if so,what do I say?
PS Im totally not the person to cheat on their partner, and I won't. I would end things first. But should I..