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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I or shouldn't I?

17 replies

stayathomenightmare · 05/03/2021 19:05

I'm looking for some advice on a situation I've found myself in recently.

I'm divorced since 2016 with 3 children and have been single for the last 18 months after good advice on here to end things with my last boyfriend.

I've recently had some work done on my house and I've developed a major crush on the builder. It's quite embarrassing and I'm not sure if he just sees me as a sad middle aged woman or a possible girlfriend.

Possible signs of more to it are: He sends me texts about things that are really funny. Some not relevant to the work he's doing on my house.
He's really chatty
He didn't charge me for some of the work he did and refused to take full payment.
He offered to help me with some furniture assembly and then when I asked he came over on the same day and helped me assemble it and wouldn't accept any payment.

I know he's 5 years younger than me as we discussed his recent significant birthday and he doesn't have children.

I'm torn between waiting to see if anything happens and trying to make something happen.
Friends have suggested I get him to do more work on my house, but that seems a bit desperate! He is however due to come back to do a very small job but I even feel odd about that now!
Help me please with sensible advice before I make a complete idiot of myself! Perhaps he's just a nice, kind chap and any overtures from me will be an unpleasant shock for him!

OP posts:
dancemom · 05/03/2021 19:08

Go for it! What have you got to lose?

NotAgainNoMore · 05/03/2021 22:32

He obviously likes you. I don't know of any builder who wouldn't charge the full rate or help for free, plus sending non work related messages, however jokey. You could just ask him if he's that friendly and helpful to all his customers, see what he says? He may be a bit shy and waiting for a sign from you.

honeysuckle21 · 06/03/2021 06:58

Wait and see what happens, I wouldn't keep asking him to do jobs.
Make conversation a bit more serious than just jokes, ask about himself, compliment him, see if you get one back but let him do the chasing if he's interested.

TinySongstress · 06/03/2021 07:03

Oh I LOVE a 'blossoming crush' thread. Especially when it's a builder, plumber etc....

Whenever I have work done on my house Albert Steptoe turns up. Sigh.

user1493413286 · 06/03/2021 07:05

I would go for it; in my experience men don’t do work for free unless they’re also feeling that way

JackieWeaverFever · 06/03/2021 07:21

Do not keep hiring him but do just go for it Wink

normalmumandwife · 06/03/2021 08:31

I can't think of any reason why he would be like this unless he liked you. Be brave

stayathomenightmare · 06/03/2021 10:10

Thanks for the encouraging replies. This guy isn't my usual type and so I'm lacking confidence as I'm split between saying something and just keeping quiet. We've had a few chats about other things and have some shared hobbies, but unfortunately we can't do those at the moment due to Covid restrictions.
If it wasn't for Covid I'd maybe suggest a hobby related meet up and see how he reacted.
I'll keep you posted...

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 06/03/2021 10:21

Just say 'you must let me treat you to lunch sometime for all your hard work' and see how he reacts.

category12 · 06/03/2021 10:33

Shag him on the kitchen table.

RandomMess · 06/03/2021 10:46

I would thoroughly stalk his social media to triple check he is single!!! Other than that go for it.

stayathomenightmare · 06/03/2021 19:28

Great ideas from wander, category 12 and random. Made me laugh at the idea of shagging on the kitchen table.
I've stalked his social media already and no girlfriend as far as I can see! I do know someone who knows him so I I'll ask her to be sure he's definitely single.

OP posts:
stayathomenightmare · 14/03/2021 16:27

A little update on my builder...
I haven't said anything to him yet, but I've established he is definitely single. He came to finish a job for me on Friday and I messaged him the next day to say I've paid the invoice and thank you.
His reply was. " Thank you. Always a pleasure."
Is this just him being polite or something more? I'm treading carefully as I don't want to misread the signals!

OP posts:
highlightsonlyplease · 14/03/2021 18:59

Just go for it!
What have you got to lose?

JoyOrbison · 14/03/2021 19:01

Message back along lines of "Great, I won't feel too bad plastering you when I get in touch again
" etc to open door for more chat without showing your cards

feelinhopeful · 14/03/2021 19:04

Absolutely go for it!

I remember a thread a year or two ago where someone asked out their green eyes gardener and he said yes. I wonder what happened with GEG?

Psuedoshoes · 14/03/2021 19:04

Do it! I'd just text asking him out for a drink to thank him. You'll never know if you don't ask!

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