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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Daughter gone to her father's house and I feel sick

5 replies

CameliaRose · 05/03/2021 14:58

Backstory - me and her dad separated 4years ago. During divorce lots of stuff came out about where all our savings had gone. There was prostitution use, he bought a house for one of his girlfriends, a car for another one. Since separating he has been with a few women that I'm aware of, one girlfriend was violent and stole money off him. He was investigated for supposedly sleeping with a 14 year old but the case was dropped for lack of evidence.

For a long time he wasn't interested in his kids and only saw them sporadically. My son is now in his twenties with a family of his own and has nothing to do with him, but my daughter is 19 with mental health issues and has recently been spending a lot of time at his house. It concerns me that suddenly he is inviting her over to stay, and I don't know what she does there because she isn't able to verbalise things very well. She is very vulnerable to trusting people who are friendly to her. I don't know what I'm frightened of, but I feel sick all the time she is with him.

She is with him at the moment. He was meant to be bringing her home today but she has messaged to say she is not coming back until Sunday.

I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm asking, I just needed to talk.

OP posts:
pog100 · 05/03/2021 15:24

Didn't want to see this sink without answer but it's a difficult one to advise about. On the face of it a 19 year old makes her own decisions, unless you are actually her carer. I certainly understand your fears, they are similar to if she was in a friendship group that might lead her astray. I think the only thing you can do is keep communication with her as open as you possibly can. Do you text or call while she is there for instance?

CameliaRose · 05/03/2021 15:29

I try to keep in touch by messenger but she rarely replies, or just one word answers or emojis. I guess I just have to hope for the best.

OP posts:
Ardvark111 · 05/03/2021 16:08

Despite his past wrongs he is still her father,!! And equally entitled to a rship with her.. If he messes it up with her on his own head be it,!!

Notashandyta · 05/03/2021 16:19

Are you worried he will behave inappropriately with her? Because that is what you seem to be hinting at...

If so, what makes you feel that may be the case?

Sillysandy · 05/03/2021 17:23

Oh gosh OP, I feel for you. Unfortunately you have to play the long game here - don't push her for information in case she gets stressed and backs off but make sure she knows she can always talk to you about anything, anything at all.

This must feel dreadful. I can imagine the knot in your stomach. How long were you with him?

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