Houswork/ admin split

[Chicken999]

Just need some opinions on if I'm being fair or not really. So I've not been working through the pandemic as have had my children home whilst my husband has worked fulltime throughout. From monday I will back to work, working all school hours after getting my 5 and 9 year old to school. My husband leaves for work at 6 and gets home at 4. Whilst not working I have been doing all the housework/admin. But now that I'm going back to work am I right in thinking my husband needs to take on some of this? He will be working more hours than me. He works 40 hours whilst I will work 30 hours. I just dont want to be in a situation where I'm working 8:30-3 and then coming home to do everything myself. But not sure if I'm being unreasonable as hes up an hour earlier than me and finishes work later. Interested in your thoughts!

Of course he should be helping - to be honest given you have been homeschooling through the pandemic I think he has gotten off lightly simply working fulltime.

If you want to do it fairly its a 40:30 ratio of hours make that in terms of hours so roughly a 40:60 split in terms of housework based on hours.

What isnt fair is that his full time job out of the house means he doesnt get to do anything else

What did he do pre covid??

Yes he should now start to do 50% of everything when he's home. If he's home by 4 then he should be cooking tea each evening, then when you get home you both do 50% of any child rearing, bath times, housework etc

Honestly not a lot pre covid. A quick wipe down of the kitchen occasionally. I also so all the food shopping/meal planning/cooking. He certainly wouldnt think to clean the bathroom, sort kids clothes etc. I was working less hours pre covid so it wasnt such an issue. I had time to do it on the couple of afternoons off I had when kids were at school.

You need I think to talk to him about this because as I said his full time job doesnt excuse him from everything else!

He needs to take on some responsibilities

He definitely needs to take on some tasks. He works more hours but you're doing the school run.

The trouble is he thinks he does loads! Yes he cuts the grass, and dies the odd bit of DIY but I dont think he actually realises what goes into running a house and family. I've always worked part time since having the children so it's just always been done.

Ok, so you offer to take on half his chores (cutting the grass) as long as he does half of the cooking, washing up, hoovering and laundry.

Why not agree that you both "work" between 6 and 4 (for him that's going for work, for you that's work plus managing the DC both ends of your job and the odd bit of housework) and then you split everything else between them.
Realistically how much housework does a house with 2 adults and 2 school children need if you're all out all day?

It's not just the housework though. It's the shopping/meal planning/cooking. Laundry. Making sure the kids and pets have everything they need. Sorting the Bill's etc. I'll have to wait him down and agree a split I think.

I think you need to make it very clear exactly what there is that needs doing and what would happen if you didnt do it.

That said he is an adult with a full time job he must have an idea!

Absolutely YANBU to split. I’m hopefully going back to work soon having been SAHM and am going to have to get my DH to do more.

I would suggest you give him the most “obvious” tasks which are the same week in week out. So for example clean the bathroom, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, pay bills, washing up. I think if you give him the ones requiring thinking (meal planning, new clothes for the DC, stuff required for school etc) they won’t get done. Based on what you have said and the fact he’s really never done much...

Yes, of course, he should. Realistically, no one really gets much done in the morning as you are all just trying to get out the door. I assume you get home after the school run around 3:30 ish and he gets home from work sometime after 4. You are likely sorting the kids out between 3:30-4, so you both probably have about equal time in the late afternoons/evenings. So you should share the housework and life admin roughly equally. What did you do before?

In normal times, I leave for work at 6am and don't want back in the door until 7-8pm usually 3 days a week (wfh the other days). Dh does all the parenting from when they wake up in the morning until when I get home at 7/8pm. I sort out school things and do meal planning/food shopping on the train, sort out school uniform and bags for the next day after I get home. Dh does all the homework, cooking, getting them up and in the bath/shower.

Even if you don't get home until 8pm, there's still 2 hours before a normal adult bedtime and there is plenty you can get done in that time. 4pm is earlier than most people get home from work (dh doesn't get home until 5:30pm most days now) and they all still manage to sort out the house and pay bills and play with the kids and cook dinner, etc.

Thing is when you come home after the kids finish school it’s not like you’re sitting down doing nothing; you’re busy with the kids etc and if he leaves for work at 6 you’re doing the morning routine too so when do you actually have extra time compared to him?

When you have kids, you have more work, not less, yet he seems to have less chores to do than a single person. No laundry, no cooking, no cleaning, why does he think that is ok?

Yes, anything left over housewise or admin wise (although I’m not sure why admin is always listed as it takes seconds to sort a bill or book an appointment etc) after you have done ten hours should be split. That’s what I would expect if my DH worked ten hours less. It shouldn’t leave much to be fair.