Same-sex Dating

[GoldieShawn]

Hello everybody.

I have been lurking on these boards for a long time now and have decided to reach out for some help. I am in my late twenties and covid etc. has made me realise that I am not being true to myself and once lockdown/restrictions end I really want to try and date/have a relationship with another woman. I have always known that I have been attracted to women and for various reasons (another story for another time!) I have never acted on it. Just to note that I am currently single so there isn’t anything stopping me from exploring this.

Now to the problem-how do I do this? I know that spaces for lesbians are scarce and I have gone to many gay bars/clubs etc. in the past but they all tend to focus on and be full of gay men rather than women. Online dating is an option but I would really like to try meeting women face to face first and I really need some guidance on spaces/places that would be suitable.

I live in a relatively large city and I don’t have any dependents or ties so am free to go to new places/do new things as I see fit, so any and all suggestions are welcome. This is something I have thought about pretty much my whole life and I want to make this my priority in the coming years as I would really like to find love and meet someone special.

It would be great to hear from those who have been in a similar position to me, and any tips you could give would be much appreciated. Thank you!

I'm bisexual I came out almost a decade ago.

There's OLD as you say, there are specific sites/apps for lesbian and bisexual women but also some "normal" sites and apps have the option to have your settings for same sex relationships

Regarding where, if as you say you're in a big city then there should be bars/clubs that skew towards being popular with lesbian and bisexual women and not just or predominantly gay men. There's a few in the city nearest me.

On the OLD sites and apps there are also sometimes forums and same sex dating "minglers" are sometimes organised/advertised too

Then there's things like "meet-up" where you can find like minded groups who get together to do activities as a group of lesbian and bisexual women - book groups, trips to theatre or concerts, walking groups etc

Obviously these things won't be running during lockdowns but eventually these things will start up again and you'll be able to get involved

You'll be fine, take it slow, don't do anything you're not completely comfortable with and enjoy meeting new people simply as friends initially

@Graphista thank you for your tips. I have never actually done OLD so I wasn't aware that some of the apps had their own forums so that's good to know! Is there a particular app you would recommend?

There are gay clubs in my city but unfortunately the few times I have gone they have been full of men (and judging by their behaviour they weren't gay themselves) so I felt really uncomfortable. I will try again once lockdown ends.

Meet ups are an interesting option, I will look into that too. Thanks!

There is a thread on here with the title likeminded women or something like that which has spawned an off mumsnet group of bi ladies.
See if you can find that and ask to join the group.

@Ineedaslap I will try to find that thread, thank you!

I came out about 16 years ago, it was very easy for me to find other gay women because I played football and back then (not sure about now) the women’s football scene was very gay. Like 8/10 players were gay. So I’m not sure what I’d have tried if it hadn’t been for that.

I would recommend confiding in someone IRL, and working towards coming out, as daunting as I know that is. The best way to meet people can be through other people. And once you are “out there” you’ll find women and opportunities will come to you.

Do you know any gay/bi women?

meetup.com has a lot of groups where gay people go and do stuff, rather than just hang around together purely because they're gay.

There's online stuff going on currently.

Congratulations on deciding to be true to yourself. It's good news

@Flyg it does seem like sport/hobby groups might be the way to go.

In terms of telling my current group of friends, I'm quite reticent to do that just yet because I did actually come out to a group of friends some years ago (which included gay/bi people) and I felt really pressured by them at times because I was treated almost like a project, and I want to take things at my own pace. I moved away shortly after anyway and have different friends now so it might be different this time but I don't want to risk that happening again. My two closest friends do know though so I do have real life support thankfully.

Thanks @Eckhart I have had a look at MeetUp and it does look promising, so I will sign up and keep an eye on events.