Hey. Long time lurker, first time poster. So basically I’ve been with my DH for 10 years and married for 5. We’ve got two children. I’ve come to the conclusion he isn’t particularly nice to me. When we have good times they’re great and I’m happy but other times I feel so low and I’m daydreaming about leaving and wondering if I’d be able to do it financially on my own and looking at places to rent. Is it normal to be like this?
I have been keeping records of things he says and does. When I try to bring up that I think he’s a bit of a bully or emotionally abusive he turns it around so it’s me over reacting etc. Then I start to doubt myself and think are things really that bad. Should I be considering tearing the family apart over such small things. He’s great with the kids and they love him so much so I’d feel guilty ruining that.
Most recent event was last night. We had sex (kind of do this out of duty really) and then afterwards he made a stupid ‘joke’ comment about me being a cum dripping whore (I’m repulsed just writing this down). I said that’s not funny and he said ok you’re right it’s not. A while later I said I’ve told you not to call me a whore (he’s done it lots before) and he said alright it’s the first time I’ve done it in ages. I said I’m your wife and the mother of your kids and I don’t want you calling me names like that and he told me I was being dramatic and then started off on one (like he does any time I express unhappiness or criticise him). I just took out my hearing aid as I’m sick of hearing rants about how it’s not his fault in anyway anytime I’m upset. He always seems to turn it round and make it about him. I went up to bed and this morning he was ignoring me because I was rude taking my hearing aid out (lol). Honestly I know it was childish but I’m so fed up of it, I didn’t have the strength to listen to him going on at me again. Surely a normal response would be to apologise? I don’t understand how I’m in the wrong for not liking being called names.
Sometimes I feel so drained but there are some good times too so I just don’t know what to do. I guess I just wanted to know if other people’s relationships are similar. Am I being dramatic and over reacting? I don’t have anyone to talk to and with lockdown especially it’s hard.