He’s refusing to leave.

[Leavingforgood1]

I’ve made the decision to leave my emotionally abusive DH.

After discovering he has been adding local ‘exotic dancers’ (strippers) and 100 other women on Instagram, liking their pictures etc I just can’t take anymore.

We’ve had a very shit relationship and he has in the past often disrespected me and made me feel very insecure. He’s had drug problems and has physically cheated in the past as well as staying out all night whilst I’m with the kids on numerous occasions. According to him I’m immature and insecure for not wanting him to add different women (after promising he’d change) and has now resorted to being quite nasty. He’s been telling me that this is his house and he refuses to have the kids (not that I want him too!) and I’m toxic and emotionally abusing him (yeah right!)that I don’t deserve a grown up relationship as I’m clearly not happy with myself whereas he’s content etc. He’s told me I have to leave with the 3 kids! The only place we can go is my mothers where it’ll be extremely overcrowded. His argument is he pays the rent and has brought everything in the house.

Is it rented or owned? Whose name is on the tenancy/mortgage?

@DianaT1969

Is it rented or owned? Whose name is on the tenancy/mortgage?

Rented and both of ours.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid or the police?

Coercive control is a crime.

Gosh he sounds vile op
I hope your ok
Will he turn violent if you ask him to leave?

@Dinosaursobsessedson

Gosh he sounds vile op I hope your ok Will he turn violent if you ask him to leave?

He’s never been violent before.

Can you afford the rent on your own?

@autumnalrain

Can you afford the rent on your own?

Definitely not I’m on a very low income, I can only work part time and that’s for minimum wage.

But I could get help with housing benefit and pay the rest if he wasn’t here.

Legally he has the right to stay in the marital home - you could have him removed if he was abusive to the point of police involvement but from what you have written above, I don't think at this point they would do.

(I'm not saying he's not abusive - he sounds utterly vile and a classic emotional abuser, but it's been my experience and observation that unless he is kicking off swearing, throwing things etc that they will say it's a civil matter.)

Do you work? If you were to leave you would be able to get housing benefit but would that cover renting in the area you're in now?

If your mum has room to take you in temporarily I would do that TBH, take stock, get some much-needed emotional support from your mum, apply for council housing for you and the DC. How old are they, are they going back to school next week?

He's willing to throw his own kids out?;wow what a prince amongst men he is 🙄

I'd definitely seek legal advice;once he's gone though I wouldn't expect him to have any sort of regular contact with the kids with that attitude.You'll probably have to go through CMS for CM too.

Cross posted. It's good that you're in work - any way you could up your hours? Could your mum cover any childcare or is she working too?

Start divorce proceedings urgently. Any sign of him kicking off call the police.

Speak to women aid and national domestic helpline to get any idea of the behaviours which would meet the threshold for an occupation order.

What @RandomMess said! Sorry you’re going through this OP Xx

My friend was in a similar situation op. They were renting from the local authority, both names on the tenancy etc. She made an appointment with the council housing department and explained the situation, and provided various bits of evidence including a written statement.

She was given a few options - stay in the house and they would assist in helping her take steps to get him evicted if he wouldn't agree to go quietly.
Or she relinquish her name on the tenancy and they would re-house her and the dc's.

Council contacted him and he met his matched, agreed to the name removal the same day.

Be careful, if it's a private landlord, he/she might not accept your DH to come off the rental agreement, leaving one lower earner. Can you find that out? Do you have enough to move to a new place? Deposit/moving costs? It might be easier to start fresh, taking most of the furniture. A solicitor will be able to advise.