Anxiety in new man

[rubyroseacea]

My bf has f 8 months has told
Me that he feels very down , anxious and stressed.he is living in his own and is going through a horrid time at work. Being over ruled/ undermined in a management position . He is 50. He is far away from
His children and his family with whom he is very close . We have bubbled up as we live 40 mins from one another and are both in single adult households .
How can I support him. I have no experience supporting someone
Who feels like this . I don't want to add to his distress by being overbearing and interfering . Yet I don't want to leave him alone either and worry that I'm. It strong enough myself or an unskilled to support him.
He drives to see his children eow but their mother would prefer him not to have physical
Contact with his children as they are bubbled with their grandparents who are vulnerable
To a variety of illnesses . Thanks

Anyone ..

I'm not an expert or can really advise on the anxiety aspect of your man. However I find it strange that he cannot see his children properly. How old are they can they not stay with him. Does he have any official arrangement with her?
I dont see how the ex can keep her parents safe when children head back to school next week for example, bubble or not?
I'm sure having better quality of time with them will help him mentally.

Mine has been struggling at times over the last couple of weeks (depression) as have I (and a lot of people right now I reckon - lockdown is HARD. We’ve talked a lot about our experiences of depression, past and present (it’s helpful I think that we both sometimes suffer from the same illness, manifesting in very similar ways, so empathising is easier). Some of the things we do to help each other are:

• physical affection
• verbal reassurance
• reminders that it is an illness, will get better, etc.
• reminders to eat (mostly me to him) and sleep (mostly him to me.)
• help each other focus on achieving small things - when your mind feels like glue, sometimes all you can do is just put one foot in front of the other.
• just generally being able to talk about it openly makes it feel less like we are crazy or weird.
• sometimes, a supportive silence can be great too. We both know it is ok to ask the other one to stop talking and just be there, if that’s what we need.

All very obvious things I know, so probably haven’t helped much. Hope he feels better soon. And he’s lucky to have a caring girlfriend like you, OP.

Thank you.

I'm a man in my 50s and experience a few similar issues ALONE but kept telling myself that * iv come this far n to keep going,!! Re bullying at work that's what the human resources dept is there for among other things if no HR, dept.? Surely there must be witnesses to his experience and possibly take it further with his boss or even a workers union, at 50 he is a big boy now,!!

Pass this onto him;

www.getselfhelp.co.ukdocs/SelfHelpCourse.pdf

@rubyroseacea sorry, was knackered when I posted earlier but didn’t want to read and run. On reflection the very best thing you can do I think is to ask him what he would most like you to do. Does he need a bit of space? (It’s NO reflection on his feelings towards you if he does. I love my fella to bits but sometimes when I am down I just can’t speak to him or anyone - same with him to me). Or does he want to talk about it? Or just be held? Or to talk about something inane to take his mind off it? Or watch a mindless movie? Or is there anything practical you can do to help?

It has been an UNUTTERABLE relief to have a man who will do this when I am down. My last boyfriend basically acted like my (mild) depression symptoms were a sign of the weakness of my character, and also an intolerable burden to HIM.

Do look after yourself too, and only give as much as you can afford to. In the end, you can hold him through this (if you choose to) but you can’t heal him - that’s not within your powers. And it’s fine to ask for support to, or just sound off if you are finding it difficult/upsetting. Either on here, or if you have close confidential friends you can chat to in real life. When my fella was really quite low about a week ago and wasn’t had stopped going to work but wouldn’t/couldn’t discuss that with me, it did feel a bit claustrophobic and I had to sound off to my closest girlfriend about it a little bit, and that really helped. (He’s much better now).

@Ardvark111, sorry to hear you have been struggling. Going through it alone is so tough. Do you have anyone you can talk to about it? (If you feel that would help?) You are right - you HAVE got through it so far. I saw something on Facebook the other day - it’s quite trite but it struck a chord with me - which was something like “Your track record so far for getting through difficult days is 100% - you’ve got this!” X

@lovelydiscusfish. Thanks x I now many years after found the love of a good woman ( just wish she there when I went through various heartbreak / hardships,!! But she is here in my life now.. in ref to the poster I was trying to give her a mans pov and the big boy comment was more joking manner but to a extent serious also..

The great points from @Lovelydiscusfish are really useful ones to do. The only one I have to add to those is that if the situation at work isn't improving, just leave. Either with nothing to go to, or keep a look out on the job market. I had a new CEO join as my line manager who was an overbearing bully, and who pulled in another member of staff to undermine me. My mental health really took a kicking and I eventually left for a new job. I'm now sat at my computer, taking a break from my new job, which came with a pay rise, 6 weeks holiday, a final salary pension, and really interesting duties. My anxiety disappeared pretty much overnight.