FWB

[nicewheels]

I'm in a FWB situation, we started off dating, but he decided he couldn't see us as longer term but we are physically/sexually suited and we like each other's company so decided to be FWB instead.

I don't really know how to handle the small-talk bit.
I'm really fond of him and would have liked to try and have a relationship with him but he has mental health problems and so it's not on the cards.
Do I still ask him questions about himself and his life? I am happy just having sex, but we do talk too, I guess I don't know if I have right to be curious about getting to know him more, or that I should try and maintain distance?
I would be really upset if we stopped seeing each other (which is only once a week for an evening) so I'm cautious about getting attached.
I am also chatting to other guys online as I would like a relationship, but so far I haven't met up with anyone I've liked enough to see again.

I was the one who suggested the FWB relationship btw.

I'd say this is just going to end in tears. You sound like you want a proper relationship and he doesn't. It's not going to work. The longer it goes on the more angst you will have.

Please read Female Dating Strategy in Reddit. They have taught me some great lessons. When men say they don't want a relationship they mean with you. And do you want to be second best?
How would you feel if he meets someone and it's serious? Sorry I would get rid and concentrate on dating with a view of having a real relationship.

Good luck!

I would take the upper hand here and just stop contacting him or answering messages. The one who holds the power is the one who cares the least. Try a few weeks non-contact with absolutely no explanations. Give yourself a reward for each week that goes by with no contact. Otherwise you will destroy your self esteem.

You are fooling yourself that you’re okay with this. You clearly like him and you are prepared to take crumbs just to stay in his life.

I’m a couple weeks/months time you will mostly likely write another post about how hurt you are asking for tips to get over a ‘situationship’. Save yourself the heart ache and leave now

Did you not post about this the other day?

This never works op, not when one person wants more. Offering sex as a way to stay involved with someone only ever leads to heartbreak.

I’m sorry but I think you need to protect yourself snd end this. You’re already attached. That’s why you suggested this.

Another spin on it. I had a FWB for about 6 months many years ago before I was married. We got to be quite good mates actually and he’d come over for a shag about once a week or so and we’d sometimes text in between. It gradually fizzled out and then I got with DH. I bumped into him about 3-4 years ago and it was like meeting an old friend. We had a good chat and parted on good terms.

I would try and maintain distance not chat too much in between meeting up, you are basically only 'friends' for sex and nothing long term, being too emotionally involved might put you off looking for what you really want, a relationship, see it more as nsa.

“This never works op, not when one person wants more. Offering sex as a way to stay involved with someone only ever leads to heartbreak. “

This,
I was in a FWB relationship for a while (which initially suited both of us) but wasthe one who wanted to move it onto something more permanent, but after her ex partner reappeared in the picture, it was clear where her feelings where, & I was the heartbroken one

@Sideorderofchips

Did you not post about this the other day?

No, I have name changed for this, but I've never posted about this before

I'll start by saying I'm not anti FWB. Sometimes it can work well if both parties are on the same page.

It's clear you are not, you are going to get hurt eventually. I would encourage you to cut contact now and protect yourself.

Find someone who wants the same thing as you.

Thanks to everyone replying, and I totally take in board what you are all saying.

I am very fond of them, but I know as soon as I find someone I'm interested in, which is hard in lockdown, then I will end the situation. I assume he will do the same, so I am preparing myself for it being over when lockdown ends.

However in the meantime, as I live alone and WFH he is the only person on the planet I have physical touch with at the moment and a level of companionship which is missing and restricted during lockdown.
I'm not actually had a single other person in my house since last summer, only him.

He's not an arsehole, and actually the more I get to know him the more I realise that he is not a suitable long term partner for me, so I think I am doing a good job of keeping things compartmentalised.
I'm not a spring chicken, I've been married and divorced twice and I guess I'm pleading my case that this situation is better for me and my mental health than being totally alone?

We rarely message i between meeting (we have a set evening usually) and it's very amicable and I really enjoy the sex so I dont feel I'm being used?

The thing is, you’re not going to meet someone you want to be with more when you’re sleeping with this man, becayse it’s him you want.

In addition when he meets someone else, which he will do, you’re going to be beyond devastated. He’s not going to suddenly change his mind, feelings won’t develop for him, snd he will meet someone else.

As said, offering a man no strings sex when he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship with you, is really thr worst thing ever to do. Of course he will usually say yes, it’s a shag right, but that’s all it is to him. It’s not all it is to you.

So you’ve heartbreak coming ans the longer you stay in, the bigger that heartbreak is going to be, the more attached you will become. Even your thread shows this isn’t a friendship, it’s now just reduced to sex, and you’re yearning for more.