Does intimacy necessarily mean sex?

[Changingyetagain]

NC for this but am a regular.

I read a lot of threads on here about sex, how often, lack of etc.

DH and I have always been fairly evenly matched, sex drive wise. Neither of us are particularly highly sexed and have sex maybe once per week and that does for us. We both fancy the arse off each other and are in no doubt about that.

However, we are always kissing, hugging, holding hands, lounging on each other on the sofa (none of this in front of people, I'm not a monster). We are very tactile with each other at all times, and I feel it is very intimate (I've never been like this with anyone).

I mentioned this to a friend and she was horrified that we don't have sex more often and that no amount of affection could replace the intimacy of sex. I obviously disagree.

Anyone have any thoughts?

I'm not a journo btw, the daily mail is scum and can fuck right off.

I don't see the problem with your relationship, sounds lovely and intimate.

If you're both happy, both feel loved and satisfied, whatever anyone else thinks doesn't really matter. Your relationship works for you, enjoy it.

I agree with you, however the people I’ve known who had very little/no sex also complained of a lack of intimacy in general in their relationships. I couldn’t tell you whether it was a case of one person wanting no intimacy at all, or whether one person wanted less sex and found that any intimacy was seen as an invitation for sex, so stopped trying.

@ZombeaArthur I totally get it with the invitation thing. I was in a terrible relationship before DH and he thought any sign of affection was an invitation for sex (he was an evil bastard so I just stopped being near him towards the end). I love just being able to be cuddled up together with no ulterior motive, especially when you're knackered!

DH is the most handsome big burly man I've ever seen in my life and I do love having sex with him, just neither of us have the drive to be at it all the time.

I wasn't bothered by the comment at all as I'm very secure with what we have, just found it interesting as I obviously interpret intimacy in a different way!

I don't think intimacy equals sex.

You can be having Sex every night but not feel close or intimate with your partner,
You can be intimate with cuddles, kisses and feel connected without sex.

It really is for no one else to comment, if you and your partner are both happy with the sex and intimacy that is all that matter. Enjoy it,

Your relationship sounds perfect. Your friend is the one with the warped idea that intercourse is a measure of closeness in a relationship.

Not in the slightest. Intimacy can include sex, and sex can enhance intimacy... but heaps of intimacy (eg that between parents and children) isn't sexual. And heaps of sex (eg hookups, men buying womens bodies) isn't the least bit intimate.
Your relationship sounds beautiful and that intimacy will be there long after your bodies are too old and tired to get it on!

Your relationship works for you, so that's all that matters.

Your situation would be ideal for me.

Sounds like a good balance. If it wasn’t someone should say something. You are both happy. Sounds great.

Since peri menopause kicked in I am not really interested in interested in sex. A couple of times a month would do me!

So does that mean I will never have an intimate relationship again? I would hope not. I just need to find someone like me who doesn’t have a high sex drive and we can be affectionate lots and intimate when we want.

I think your relationship sounds wonderful OP!!! I would love this in my life. I've mentioned in other threads that me and DH are now 10 years without sex, but what I mean is intimacy. There has been zero touching, hugging, kissing, snuggling up to each other, none of that. I want it so much (not with him) that reading about other people's lovely relationships makes me feel sad and ragingly jealous! Don't change to match other's expectations, OP, it sounds perfect x

Sounds perfect to me! My OH decides on the timing of any intimacy- which is normally once a quarter....

That sounds a lovely relationship, I love all that tactile stuff and it make you feel close.

If one person is demanding of sex and not into the tactile stuff, hugs, kisses etc then I think you drift.