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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am loosing her

16 replies

Peter266 · 03/03/2021 20:07

I found her, she's perfect. After my broken relationship with a wrong woman I realized what kind of woman I need and want. I had known her before that. We are 26, and she have never had any relationship.

She is patient, sacrificial, non-conflicting, kind-hearted and beautiful too. We spend all our free time together. We go together to perfect trips, hiking, climbing, mountainering, skiing. I love to spend time with her. I fell in love with her so much. She knows how much I love her, I told her. She said that she had known that. We are like couple, but not completly. Our friends think we are a couple. I don't exactly know what we are.

I can kiss her on her lips, stroke her, hold her hand.

But she wants to travel the world. We are from Slovakia. In one month she leaves from Slovakia to Canada for 1 year. Working holiday visa.
I would love to go with her but I have no viza, no money for that right now.

I told her, that I love her, I love spending time with her, and I somehow will figure out, I will find a way how we will be together. But she said that she is not able to planning in distant future. And that she want to travel the world, and she doesn't know what will be.

In one month she leaves, and I am sad already. I don't know what to do. I do not want to lose her. I realy care about her. I would love if she is my gf. Maybe wife in future. I am taking it seriously. Is there any hope or any chance? What would you do?

OP posts:

seensome · 03/03/2021 20:23

I think you will have to let her go, she is not wanting to settle down and have a relationship, stay friends with her just incase there is a possibility to reconnect but a year is a long time to wait and don't suggest you should, there is more than one woman you will have feelings for so if it's not meant to be then you will find someone else.

Screwcorona · 03/03/2021 20:24

As difficult as this may be, it doesnt sound like she wants a long distance relationship with you. You have to let her go.

Enjoy the time you have together, see what happens with regards to contact but try not to place too much pressure on her.

You are both young and some people dont want to settle down at all at this age

Eckhart · 03/03/2021 21:33

Your feelings are not reciprocated. You need to face this and work on recovering yourself. It's not easy, but hanging yourself up on someone who does not want a relationship with you is a huge waste of your time.

Start doing things that you love, all the time. Without her. Develop your own independent life, so that when she leaves, she doesn't leave you with nothing.

You are responsible for your own happiness.

Dery · 03/03/2021 22:04

“She is patient, sacrificial, non-conflicting, kind-hearted and beautiful too.”

Do you want to read that list of attributes back to yourself? Why in God’s name does she need to be patient, sacrificial, non-conflicting and kind-hearted? Why is that what you look for in a partner? Is it because you want someone who completely sublimates their needs to yours? You sound like a dreadful chauvinist. If my DD had a BF who named these as her key attractions, I’d tell her to run like the wind!

Original poster

Peter266 · 03/03/2021 22:14

@Dery

“She is patient, sacrificial, non-conflicting, kind-hearted and beautiful too.”

Cause my last gf was a manipulator,

OP posts:

1WildFlower · 03/03/2021 22:15

@Dery that's a bit harsh, English is not his first language he might not have got the direct translation correct.

goldielockdown2 · 03/03/2021 22:43

You will have to sacrifice your own feelings here and let go.

yaboo · 03/03/2021 22:50

It sounds like she doesn't know what will happen in her future, and she is being honest with you. She sounds like a lovely girl, and yes, you sound like you are in love, but sometimes it doesn't work out the way we want it to. Maybe she will come back to Slovakia after her trip. It's only a year. Maybe when she goes away she will realise how much she misses you. Maybe she won't. Maybe you will meet somebody new who you have a relationship with and this other girl will fade away from your mind. You have to wish her well, and watch her leave. I know that will hurt, but that is okay. There would be no love songs without broken hearts...

Ciaobaby92 · 04/03/2021 00:53

I'm a woman and I'd love to have a man who is patient, kind, conflicting and sacrificial. Once you've been with a monster who is none of those things, those attributes sound wonderful. I understand you OP.

Ciaobaby92 · 04/03/2021 00:54

Oops I mean "non-conflicting" 😁

Dery · 04/03/2021 01:02

I probably overreacted. Sorry, OP.

PaterPower · 04/03/2021 09:54

Agree with PP. It’s that old cliche of letting someone go if they need to be somewhere else.

Either she’ll miss what she has with you and you’ll get together again in a year (or 3 or 10, who knows?) or she won’t, in which case what you think you have now doesn’t actually have solid foundations.

CheshireChat · 04/03/2021 16:56

I wonder if she feels a bit smothered, I do after reading that. Sure, it could just be the way it's written, but OP describes with super submissive, strictly traditionally feminine traits which means she ultimately puts everyone else first at her expense and that is just not sustainable or healthy in the long run.

Nor is spending all spare time together, though I get that Covid plays a big part in this.

CheshireChat · 04/03/2021 16:57

Describes his GF obviously

CheshireChat · 04/03/2021 16:58

Also not keen on the 'perfect' current GF and 'manipulator' ex

SilverRoe · 04/03/2021 19:38

She’s not in the right place in her life for the sort of relationship you want. It’s hard, but you need to respect that and let her go. She’s perfect (you think) for you but doesn’t look like you are for her. That’s hard but that’s what she telling you. If you care about her, respect her life and leave her to it to travel.

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