Little advice please

[UnhappybutUnsure]

I'm sad, just numb sad. I am considering leaving my husband, he is a good father and probably my best friend but I'm just unhappy. I've been with him for 15 years and have 4 children. He's not a bad man at all and I think would be fairly devastated to find out I'm unhappy. Things that make me unhappy are he doesn't really shower, I can't remember the last time he brushed his teeth and I've mentioned to him before about this but he just gets offended and doesn't change. I don't think I'm in love with this person anymore but I don't want to make everyone else miserable just to make me happy. I have no job, no money and rent a council house so financially we would be fairly screwed too, I don't know whether to stay for the next 11 years while the kids are growing keeping my mouth shut, tell him what needs to change and stick it out if things change or ask him to move out? I realise I'm really lucky to have a partner I can describe as my best friend but is that enough?

No its really not enough especially if his personal hygiene isn't what it should be! Why would you want to be intimate with someone who is unclean?
Why does he get offended when you ask him about brushing his teeth?
If he addressed these issues, could you continue with the marriage, if he really does love you he'll do the right thing and step up.
As for the financial side of things as you could ask him to move out if he is unwilling to agree to keep on top of basic hygiene but is it only his BO that is bothering you OP?

I think that's the crux of it really, I don't want to be intimate with him because the thought of it makes me feel a bit ick, if that makes sense. I think if he could address it and make an effort it could make a difference to me staying with him

He goes to bed first and now I've taken to sleeping on the sofa because the smell of the room when I go to bed is too much. I hate to say these things about him but just writing them out has made me realise I need to tell him again and see if we can move forward

You need tonsit hom down and, I'm afraid, bluntly tell him he stinks and his breath is rank.

That you can't continue in a marriage with someone who doesnt take personal care of himself.

That this is impacting on your home because his smell lingers and that's why you sleep down stairs.

If he hasn't turned this around by 2 weeks you will be seeking the advice of a solicitor.

Is he depressed or something? I've never met someone so lazy that they would not shower and clean there teeth. I sympathise I had an ex who drank too much and would smell very stale and dehyrdrated at times and I just couldn't tell him how bad it was because I felt bad for him, but if I mustered up the courage and then he got annoyed with me then I would be fucked off. You shouldn't need to tell a grown man how to be a human being.

I think its laziness, he's always been a bit relaxed with his hygiene, I'm just getting to the point where I can't deal with it anymore. He won't brush his teeth in the morning because he gets up too early, it makes too much noise and will wake the kids, i think he just really can't be arsed. I'm dreading talking to him about it again but it is making me so miserable.

Does he work?

What must his work mates think?

Don't 'mention' in. Sit him down, tell him this is a deal-breaker, and if he doesn't literally clean up his act then you are divorcing him.

Mean it. Why does he get to drive you out of your bedroom and spoil your environment and life by stinking? This is not what a best friend would do, let alone a partner.

If he's offended he should clean his teeth, wash his body and then he wouldn't have to be offended any more. As it is, his body smell is an offence. Why doesn't he care that his stink is offending you?

If he really would care that you are unhappy, then he needs to know you are unhappy. It really is ultimatum time, you cannot live like this.

Have you spoken to him?

Gosh, this is grim. Sit him down. Tell him that he needs to shower every day - twice in summer, wash his hair twice a week, brush his teeth 2-3 times a day, see a hygienist and wear clean underwear and clothes each day. Use antiperspirant and change the bed linen weekly. If he doesn't, you'll see a solicitor and start a divorce/separation. It's non-negotiable on all things every day.
Look at getting back into the workplace if your DC are at school or nursery.