Relationship OCD please help

[ocdhelpmeplease]

Has anyone else suffered with this or know of any useful advice?

I have always had OCD, I was diagnosed this year but for most of my life I thought I just had Anxiety. At school I was obsessive with failing and exams and friendships.

Since entering adult relationships this has manifested as relationship OCD. My first relationship at 16 was with a 23 year old who cheated on me. I began to be quite controlling after I was triggered by absolute mind-games by the girl he cheated with (who he then didn't leave me for so she became annoyed). He hadn't admitted the cheating but my gut knew. So to cope with it I would try to control what he did and then I would obsessively ask him to swear he had told the truth. It then became habit.

I finally left the toxic abusive relationship (he was violent) at 20, and started dating my current partner. I am now 26. I continued the behaviour of obsessively asking and trying to control things on entering the relationship. Then DP ended up doing something to hurt me (online chat rooms) which was probably prompted by my behaviour. I am now in the worst state ever. Obsessively checking things. I can't stop. I feel SICK TO DEATH if I don't check. I sometimes go back on moments and if I haven't noted something down I obsessively think about it.

Basically, my life is spent exhausting myself about what he has done. If he mentions a news story I need to know when he read it, I need to KNOW everything and whether it adds up in my head. I have notes in my phone for every slightly odd thing that occurs. A lot is wrong, but because a few weird things ended up being evidence of untrustworthy behaviour, I have cemented in my mind that I am doing the right thing.

I know I need to stop. They say it gets easier. Even if I were to leave DP I know I'll be like this in my next relationship. I had an amazing therapist and did improve. Some things I am better with. However, overall my life is dictated by knowing his every move. I know I need to work on inner happiness regardless of the guy. I feel controlled by this monster. I hate it and I don't know how to keep living with it.

Please help.

I feel controlled by this monster

I have a yes or no question for you:

Are you controlled by this monster?

@ocdhelpmeplease I was diagnosed with OCD in 2006. I went to CBT counselling and I take Sertaline daily. I still have the OCD urges but I have learned to control them. The secret is to not give weight to the thoughts. It is VERY difficult but next time you’re tempted to ask when he read a news story etc- don’t do it! It will be really hard at first but in time, you will see that you don’t “have” to know etc. Little steps....

I would DEFINITELY recommend you get a referral for CBT and possibly medication if needed.

I understand how it feels to live with this and although it will take some work from you, you don’t have to suffer. if I can be of any help- feel free to reach out 💐

I totally understand what you're saying, I have been (years ago) diagnosed with GAD amd recently with OCD which manifests itself as obsessional thinking. It is a living nightmare, every thought, action, conversation gets analysed to death, nothing is merely a flippant comment, expression etc. My ex husband cheated on me - a lot - and apparently I overlooked this even though underneath I knew, so now, according to my therapist, my poor fiance is paying the price and whereas in my long relationship and marriage I tried to find ways to prove to myself he wasn't cheating, in this relationship I've become hypervigilant and am therefore looking for ways to prove he is cheating. Like you I look at my actions amd know that I'd be like this with anyone, there have been a couple of slight things he's done that may be suspicious and so that's my 'evidence' even though I know it doesn't amount to much, to me, that's it. Apparently I've set him an impossible test and i need him to fail it to prove myself right. I am a work in progress so can't offer much advice, but I can offer a hand hold and a bit of comfort that you're not alone. Please try and get some help with this. For what it's worth my rational brain knows I'm with a good man who doesn't deserve this, I don't want to drive him away.

Best of luck x