Family issues

[Ljc10]

Hello can u help me iv just moved my business out of a family run building because of my brother. Who also has a business in the same building. The reason iv moved is he is a bully physically and mentally and emotionally. At first my parents agreed with my decision coz he treats my mother the same. Now they think I should get a grip and stop splitting up the family.its been 4 weeks. So not I'm the bad guy. I'm 33 years old married with children of my own and I feel so put out and push out by my close family.

Am I in the wrong??

Should I just forgive again??
6 years iv been putting up with this at work from him??

Could you not just fake make up with him but say the new premise you have found is unfortunately better for your business? You needed more/less space etc. Take the action and stick with the action but don’t make it a blame on him ( even though it sounds like he deserves it)

Why would you put yourself back amongst this?

I really hate it when families pull the old 'splitting the family' bollocks when they just want a quiet life.

Move on and enjoy the better quality fo life.

Families are not always the great set up some people claim.

@LouiseTrees

Could you not just fake make up with him but say the new premise you have found is unfortunately better for your business? You needed more/less space etc. Take the action and stick with the action but don’t make it a blame on him ( even though it sounds like he deserves it)

Really?

Fuck that

It's lies and totally pandering to some fuckwit

Absolutely you should not accept being abused just because your family wants an easier life. Why do families do this? Who owns this building?

Is he going to suffer financially from you moving out?

My dad owns the building, and it wont effect my brother at all me leaving.

Rather than just moving your business out of the family building, I think perhaps you should consider moving your life out of the family.

Family members who dismiss your feelings and encourage you to be abused continually are not a good thing in your life.

Sounds like some interesting dynamics in your family. They don't want to upset your brother but you say he's physically, mentally and emotionally abusive? And he's like this towards your mum too?

I think you've made a good decision to distance yourself from him. No doubt you've grown up with this and it must have taken a lot to stand up to him so well done and keep going. You are thinking of your own family - your partner and children shouldn't have to deal with the effects of your brother's behaviour and you are protecting them now.

How much pressure will your parents put on you?

You need to stop thinking your parents and brother are your prime family. That is now your DH and own kids.

If leaving the bosom of your birth family makes your adult life easier, more pleasant, then that is what you need to do.

Tell your DF/DM whomever that you are happier where you are and that you have absolutely no need to put up with your DBs behaviour. You are an adult, they need to accept that!

Be blunt and be firm.

Your brothers behaviour is splitting the family up
Not you
Stick to your guns, they are being controlling and unfair

My parents have tried to throw everything at me from the government funding coming out in april even tho I have paid rent up until then. To my business now will not work because I have moved. Iv had my business 15 years so hopefully I will be fine.

They just say it's my discussion but I can tell there is no support in anything I do. They just dont no what to say because for once in my life I'm not following them even tho they say I should make my own decision. My head is spinning. They blame my behaviour on my husband and say hes the controlling one. But hes stood by me and out of repect not retaliated when iv been hurt from my brother coz he doesnt wont to course another argument with my family. And people see my brother as this amazing person and hes a golden boy to everyone else. So I jo I'm in for a tuff ride

Thank you for all ur advice.

You'll be fine.

Try not really responding in any detail.

My mind is made up

I needed a change

I am really enjoying the change

You know how it has been

DH has been nothing of the sort

We need to talk about something else

Just pass off any conversation, maybe don't chat as often. Disentangle yourself until you are comfortable with it

Best of luck with it!

Op I think you’d really benefit from posting on the Relationships board here in more detail about what’s happens before and what’s happening now, and having a read of the ‘But we took you to Stately Homes’ thread.

This isn’t at all normal and it’s definitely not you, but it can be a lonely place to be and that’s a great place to get support. It really helped me when I was in a similar situation.

To do that you can report your first post and ask MN to move it to Relationships. That's in the vbar at the top of the post, Report or 3 dots and Report, depending how you are accessing the site

@Ljc10

You have taken the right step on the right path.

Your family know and have experienced countless times how toxic your brother really is but still continue to accept this .!

Its very weird and fucked up /dysfuncial family dynamics going on.

Your family enable your brothers terrible behaviour to happen/continue as they are far too weak people and depend on his approval in some way.

Are you the family scapegoat by any chance? They'll just be annoyed you've resigned from your appointed role and escaped the bully and will be worried who he'll turn on next. They are simply looking out for themselves.

Do not give in. The business will thrive in your new location as you'll be happier.

I work in a very similar environment, you’ve done the right thing.