Stay or go

[Geevis]

I'm so confused and with things the way they are at the moment have no space to think.
I'm married and have 2 young children. My husband and I have had quite a few issues since my youngest was born. We've just sold our house and I think this has been the catalyst to make me think I need to make a decision.
I could leave now and get a house separately or we could move together and carry on trying to make things work. I just dont know what to do.
Things are tolerable, hes not abusive, does his fair share with the kids and around the house we just dont really get on that well. No big arguments or anything it just feels like we're on different pages. We had counselling a while back and things improved slightly for a little while but then slipped back. I almost left last summer but he persuaded me to stay and made promises about this and that which never happened. This lockdown has just magnified our problems and although I can put up with my life I'm not really living it. I dont know if it's me or us.
The issues are;
Hes grumpy, mutters under his breath a lot about things hes not happy about
Never wants to discuss any issue he has with me or I with him, he just says everything is fine.
He never goes out anywhere, doesnt like to socialise (obviously that's currently impossible)
We dont chat and dont enjoy the same things
Theres no closeness, I feel like most of the time he just puts up with me.
Positives
He is an amazing dad
He works really hard to provide for us
When hes in a good mood he can be funny and kind
I do love him

When I've tried to leave he tells me how much he loves me and wants to be with me but this usually wears off pretty quickly. He also guilt trips me to stay, saying that he'd have nothing, just the kids, he'd be so depressed etc.
I dont know what to do, the idea of hurting him and upsetting the kids fills me with dread.
Help!!

Go.

You're staying to avoid hurting him, but he's not avoiding hurting you. Model to your kids that if you're not satisfied in life, you go out and find something to make you happier, rather than sitting feeling miserable, avoiding change.

He also guilt trips me to stay, saying that he'd have nothing, just the kids, he'd be so depressed etc

He is manipulating you. All of his problems will be because he hasn't created a full life for himself, not because you set about creating a full life for yourself. He is making you responsible for his welfare. Why does he not think that he is responsible for himself? Is he 6?

What do you personally get out of this relationship now?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Was your mother treated like this?.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. Would you want them as adults to be in such a relationship?. No I do not think you would want this type of relationship for them either and its certainly not good enough for you.

A good dad also would not ever treat the mother of his children like your H does towards you and in turn your children. Women in poor relationships often write the "good dad" comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man. Your list of positives are not an absolute ringing endorsement of him either; he is not going above and beyond here. Do you love him or are you really confusing that with codependency?

You've been to counselling and he has, after a short period of "improvement" reverted to type. This is who he is and you have a choice re this man and your children do not. Its not your fault either that if you were to leave he would supposedly have nothing; that is all on him. All he indeed does is guilt trip you into staying by using emotional manipulation and such men use that because it works. You have a choice re this man and your children do not. Make better choices for you and they going forward than the ones you have made re your H to date. I would seek legal advice re the property and finances re separation and go from there; you do not have to act on the advice given immediately but knowledge here is power.

Thank you so much for your very helpful responses, it really helps to get a another perspective. We spoke last night again and it's pretty much agreed that we will separate. He was much more reasonable last night, maybe hes had chance to get his head round it a bit more. I think I knew what I needed to do but you've provided the reassurance I needed to know it's not me just giving up too easily.
With regards my upbringing, very happy, my parents were very much in love. His, very dysfunctional and I think that's part of the problem, he thinks this is normal and I dont.
Anyway I really appreciate both of your comments they were very useful.

Congratulations on your decision then! Now comes the happy part, planning your future.