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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

really great man and zero interest vs complete idiot

4 replies

Naimee87 · 02/03/2021 14:43

Hello -

Just looking for a bit of an outlet from the past few months and understand these relationships i'm trying to untangle myself from.

Getting out of one is absolutely the right thing to do. Long story short the 'idiot one', there was a instant 'spark' and 'attraction' and i always had that nice nervous and excited 'butterfly feeling you get' when i was with him. Anyway he began to go quieter and quieter on txt/calls with the usual excuses, work is tough, i'm doing tons of DIY at home, i never saw your text etc. etc. But whenever I would decide to be done he would reappear and then a few weeks later the same would happen and he'd disappear. Same excuses again. He just didn't care and instead of me seeing this, every time he 'clicked his fingers' i came running. For me i just couldn't shake the butterfly feeling and the nervous/excitement but guess he could quite easily. So now trying my hardest to see him for how he treated me and telling myself how little what we had meant to him. Seems we were never on the same page... this all came to an end in January having started in August/September. And admittedly i still have hopes to hear from him again... feelings are so annoying!

So the great guy is a neighbour who lives in the apartments block facing mine. We got chatting a while back as I recently got a little puppy and was out walking with her in the garden between our flats. He's amazing, he's thoughtful and really funny, we get on so well and i love to spend time with him we do so much together. I also have a DS who is 11 and they enjoy spending time together as well. My DS hasn't had it easy with his dad being completely out of the picture (the dads choice, not mine) But for me there is just no attraction to this man or feelings developing for him. I really wish there were but we've been seeing each other so much for the past month and I still feel nothing more than wanting to be friends. He has let me know on numerous occasions he feels more. He even turned up with flowers the other day... just out of the blue!

I also know that i am being selfish as i'm worried if i admit to having no feelings he may not want to be in my life as much anymore or at all and i'd miss him a lot. Maybe i'm not being patient enough or i'm still hung up on the idiot. I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts because i am 33 an i'd love to be done with the idiots out there.

OP posts:
LivingDeadDoll · 02/03/2021 16:32

Well your choice isn't the idiot, the man you don't fancy or single forever. And, even if it were, single forever would surely be the choice you'd make?

Why do you feel that you must choose one of these men? Why can't you choose neither of them?

Saltedhero · 02/03/2021 16:36

You don't have to settle for either of them. Stay away from the idiot one he'll end up hurting you and doesn't give a stuff. Just remain friends with the neighbour just don't lead him on as he sounds decent

Eckhart · 02/03/2021 16:40

I also know that i am being selfish as i'm worried if i admit to having no feelings he may not want to be in my life as much anymore or at all and i'd miss him a lot

You need to grow up and realise that taking a break from relationships is really your only option, whilst you work out how to filter those who don't meet your needs from those who do, without having to have a relationship with them first.

Naimee87 · 02/03/2021 17:46

Thanks for reading and your comments it's helpful to get hear others thoughts! I think the best option is like you say to go relationship free for a while, try forget the idiot and have a conversation with my neighbour in the hopes he'll happily stay friends with me! I guess it seems like these are my only two options but i'm not sure why I seem to have got stuck on that idea. I just wish I could fancy the good one! Anyone else have a similar story or found themselves wishing they could find feelings for someone?

OP posts:
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