Signs of Cheating

[Timeisavirtue]

I’ve been with DP for almost 17 years now. I caught him in a hotel with another women 2 years into the relationship, I was young and we got back together 6 months later. I’ve had absolutely no reason to suspect him since. We have 2 kids together and I thought we’ve been happy. He’s a very sexual guy and is horny every night. Has been since I’ve been with him, before kids our sex life was explosive. Since kids I’ve had a low sex drive mostly down to getting older and a life long medical condition. We have sex mayb once/twice a month so I wouldn’t be surprised if he has found someone else. (;not that it’s right) 2 out of the last 3 times we’ve been or tried to be intimate he’s had a soft erection and it wouldn’t get hard. When usually I just lay next to him and he gets a rock hard one, Now he had initiated both times so it’s not like i had forced him. He’s also been different in bed, like asking for different things. Just different in general. He’s more attentive than usual and gets defensive over innocent questions. He has been a negative guy most of the time I’ve known him so that could just be that. For the most his personality hasn’t changed and he’s not been short or such with me so this is what makes me confused. Anyone that’s been cheated on she’d a bit of light on behavioural changes in thier partners?

Yes. The erectile dysfunction mysteriously arose and he got Viagra. Then coincidentally we went through a period of abstinence due to various health reasons on both our parts at different times. When we finally resumed sex the ED had gone and he still actually has a couple of those blue pills from years ago.
Only later did I realise it wasn't age-related ED but another woman.
Could it be age-related ED in your partner's case?

Most likely not he’s only 36, not ruling it out. The strange part was he didn’t want to give up. I was the one that put a Kagoshima to it because the moment was lost. I’m not sure as they can easily and innocently be explained away.

Is he watching more porn? That might make sense if he's not getting as much sex as he would like. ED is common in porn users and it could explain why he's asking for different things (that he's maybe seen online)

Not that I know of, I don’t have a problem with him watching it though, so he doesn’t have to it in secret.
Hopefully it’s the case, if he has been cheating it’s not just me he’s leaving behind.

He could give you an std which could lead to serious complications

He's a negative guy
So why are you with him ?

If he's cheated before then it can't be much of a surprise if it's happening again.
But anyway signs, texting or going out for calls more than usual, showering as soon as he comes home, new routine of working/hobby that gets him out the house. I think you would have a strong sense of something not right.

@seensome

If he's cheated before then it can't be much of a surprise if it's happening again. But anyway signs, texting or going out for calls more than usual, showering as soon as he comes home, new routine of working/hobby that gets him out the house. I think you would have a strong sense of something not right.

I caught him first time last time so signs are something I hadn’t dealt with before. He doesn’t leave the room to take calls or send messages. I’m really not sure 🤔

@nitsandwormsdodger

He could give you an std which could lead to serious complications

He's a negative guy
So why are you with him ?

He could and if he does he will defo be out of that door faster than he can say sorry. He’s not negative per say, I’m just super positive usually about everything and when he’s anxious he always thinks worst case scenario about everything.

This does sound like a porn sitch op. Watching it desensitises men to normal/relationship sex & they often suffer ED as a result. It would also explain the requests for new stuff. You may not have a problem with porn but it will cause you a problem and will inevitably lead to greater issues - cam girls/escorts/swinging....STDs.

Do some digging.

I think this is the reason behind my husbands ed and has been for a long time since he got mentionitis. I called him on it recently and his response was “ that was ages ago “ so I was right then . He’s not come near me in 3 years and same situation as you been together a long time and two kids .
I’m out .

@Loocheeyar

I think this is the reason behind my husbands ed and has been for a long time since he got mentionitis. I called him on it recently and his response was “ that was ages ago “ so I was right then . He’s not come near me in 3 years and same situation as you been together a long time and two kids . I’m out .

I don’t have the issue of him not wanting it, he tries it on every night... it’s just the few things I’ve flagged

For me, well when I confronted him, he got very, very defensive. Instead of reassuring me, he shouted at me, said I was mad, I needed help etc etc, typical gaslighting. I much later found out after treating me like that he spent that night with her and then went back to hers. So I would say go by his reaction to you. Defensiveness is a huge red flag.