Getting divorce - marital assets

[JustMarvellous]

Hello all,
just want to get your view, opinions on this matter, please.
Have been separated from Husband for 4 months-I have moved out with 8y DS. Husband wasnt happy all this time, and was trying to manipulate, nag me back in, but I stood my ground. We've been together 10 years, and I felt I was living with a stranger, with a man without a soul.. anyway.. we are to proceed to legal bits, and I will be talking to solicitor in a few days, but want to take just a general view , so please comment what you think
DH bought a house, 2nd year in our marriage, he put deposit, he paid the mortgage. I was SAHM for 2 years, and then went on to part time,and few years later-full time. DH is a very high earner, although sharing the money was always a problem for him. We never had a joint account. I was working part time(before DS started school),and gradually went to full time. I know I didnt pay the mortgage, or initial deposit, but I contributed - groceries, household and child clothing was coming out of my salary, and some months I would end up with zero balance at the end of financial month. we never had any help with a huge house, but i maintained it really well, washed,cleaned and cooked (in his culture - all of this -a maid's job)
So NOW - he feels it is fair for him to offer me 10% to buy an apartment (worth 250,000), and childmaintenance. and the rest stays with him. I know I didnt pay the deposit for the house, and I dont want that money be taken into account, but I feel I should be entitled to more than 10%. I feel like I was working for him all those years(literally), and havent ever been paid. He is saying if I am thinking of 50/50 then he would contest. Blames me for ending the marriage, because i am after his money. He wants to end the marriage soon, but doesnt want lawyers to get involved, cause its a waste of time and money, he drafted some nonsense document himself(talking about childcare share and holidays, but nothing of financial part),wants to find somebody local to sign in quickly for low cost...?!!!

Am I being unreasonable thinking that I should be entitled to a little bit more than that.

YANBU. How long were you married for

Quell surprise that he doesn’t want to involve solicitors! He thinks he can coerce you into agreeing to his terms.

Do not agree to anything, you really need to speak to a solicitor who will advise in regards to what you are entitled too (probably more than you think).

Also, he should being paying CM. Contact CSA and start the process.

@StephenBelafonte 10 years

Your entitled to 50/50 get a solicitor.

thank you @REignbow , he started paying CM ,used CSA just for calculation. for him it came as a big shock, he never shared that amount of money, not even when I was SAHM, I was getting perhaps half of that for groceries, how lucky was i!

Assuming you are in the UK the position is to house yourself and your child and typically 50% of joint assets which will include any pensions.

He can contest but I think any solicitor will be likely to tell him 10% isn't likely to be signed off by a judge. Did he have assets pre marriage? How old are you both?

Do you have a view on what equity you will need? Assume 2-3 bed in an area that facilitates your job and son's school.

Be prepared for Ex to get hostile so gather as much finance info as you can and see a solicitor. Try not to engage too much with him. Would you consider mediation?

Yes 50/50 is the starting point. Ask him why he offered you 10%. It would be interesting to hear his reasoning behind it.

Do not agree to anything.
Speak to a solicitor.

@StephenBelafonte, because according to him, that would be better that nothing, and I would be in much better situation than I am now, or when we met! Thats what he said.
so when we met, I was renting, so was he. And now, I took a rental property and covering all myself (plus the childmaintenance from him)

Ah that excuse won't wash in court lol. Hold on for what your entitled to

@Fireflygal, thank you for your message.
Yes I am in UK.
We both didnt have assets pre marriage, we both are in early 40s.

I would consider mediation, but I am not sure how it will go with him

@StephenBelafonte thank you, thats what I thought too

Given that he bought the house 2 years after the marriage means it really does not matter one bit who paid the deposit, mortgage etc. Especially as you were a SAHM.
Definitely get good legal advice from a solicitor specialised in family law! Do not listen to any nonsense re amicable arrangement etc. There is likely to be other assets like pension plans etc that you are not yet aware of.
50/59 is only the starting point. If you gave up your career to look after child and then worked around the needs of your child you have severely reduced your potential earning during this period for the benefit of the family. So there is every chance that you will be entitled more than 50% if the value of the house.

Don't agree to or sign anything and seek legal advice asap.

Your starting point is 50:50 so:

• 50% of the value of any assets (property, vehicles, etc..)
• 50% of the pension value accumulated during your marriage (so he’d get 50% of yours and you get 50% of his)

These things can be negotiated down or up from 50:50. It is expected that both parties end up with enough to live on. The needs of the kids are paramount.

You need to see a solicitor and not do what your husband is suggesting. He is trying to get you to sign something that will be to your detriment. You can ask for less than 50% if you feel that is fair BUT you still need to do this in the financial portion of the divorce (happens between nisi and decree absolute).

I was the high earner and got divorced and I was well aware of what I was doing financially. My husband chose not to get legal advice. He lost out (not hugely because I’m not a complete cow) and would have got a proper deal with independent legal advice. SEE A SOLICITOR

Ask him in terms to of your contribution to family for the value of the services you provided (cleaning, cooking, childcare, sex, emotional Support/counselling, admin support and laundry). Would be very surprised if there was much of his income left over to buy a house.....
Ultimately your unpaid labour enabled him to become a high earner and build his career which is why you are entitled to a significant part of it.
You may need to engage in some mediation to tick the box that you are reasonable but this needs to go to court as he is obviously not even pretending to be reasonable!

He's being unreasonable. Stop trying to negotiate with him, don't entertain any offers or agree to anything with him. Get a solicitor. All financial arrangements must go through the solicitor from now on.

@Madwomanuptheroad29,thank you, straight to the point. And dont get me wrong I dont mind doing all those things, but I felt I couldnt see a friend in him...just a self loving, culturally deranged individual.. I never planned to marry and get divorced, we all want to live within one same unit, but it gradually comes to a breaking point,,,and thats the sad part- it comes gradually..

OP, fair or not you will likely to get a half of the assets irrespective of who paid of them. That includes his pension pot. You need a lawyer

You need to stop listening what your STBXH says and get legal advice.

Smile and nod “thinking aboutit” and arrange to see the solicitor without his knowledge.

There’s no moral high ground when somebody tries to screw you (and your/their kids) over financially.

You have been contributing to the household and enabling him to build a career.

Good luck, you deserve every penny you can squeeze out of him. This is (literally) roof your your DC’s head.

Hello OP,

How did everything pan out? Am going through a similar situation and curious what would happen.

Thank you and hope everything went in your favour :).