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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I in the wrong?

14 replies

Kelsey1991 · 02/03/2021 00:24

Hi all,
So I have a 9 year old boy with a idiot. Met someone else when my boy was 4. Was never anything official just as and when we both felt like it which was near enough every weekend. We ended up getting serious 2 and half years ago. But he never moved in with me because his dad had a stroke and he cares for him. We now have a 6 month old boy. I knew he would never move in with me because he cares for his dad. His dad also has 2 dogs that he needs to walk etc. He spends every second of every day with his dad and the dogs driving round in there car. He comes and stays at my house twice a week. Arriving at 9pm at night (when our baby is asleep), he arrives at this time as he can’t leave the dogs without a walk. Then he stays in bed until 2pm the next day because he can’t sleep on a night. So doesn't really spend time with any of us. I’ve ended the relationship with him a few days ago because I am sick of doing everything on my own I feel like a complete mug! I know he had to look after his dad but I thought he would at least come with his dad during the day. I’ve explained this to him, and he says he can’t come through the day because it means leaving the dogs in the car and they bark constantly!
I no he has to care for his dad but I feel like me and my boys are coming last even to the dogs!!!! I don’t no if I’m been silly but all my friends and family are telling me to get rid of him. I love him, but I no me and my boys deserve better.

OP posts:
Nogardenersworld · 02/03/2021 00:38

He manages to sleep till 2pm on the two days he comes to see you, so presumably dad and dogs are ok for some time during the day?
what’s he doing until 2pm every other day of the week - is is caring for his child?

It sounds like he comes round to you for sex twice weekly, and a sleep in, and then leaves you holding the baby again all week

I don’t see what he’s adding to yours or his DCs life really or why you would consider keeping him around.

BlueThistles · 02/03/2021 00:53

he's taking the Piss 🌺

MadameButterface · 02/03/2021 00:59

You have got to get some standards. He does literally nothing for you. Claim maintenance and do the freedom programme.

PPNC · 02/03/2021 00:59

Wow, so the dogs need walking but the baby doesn’t need a dad?

You’re family are right, he’s a total loser and this isn’t a relationship, it’s shit dating at best!

BritInAus · 02/03/2021 01:31

Well done for ending the relationship! I imagine you will be so much happier!

Kelsey1991 · 02/03/2021 07:49

Thank you all for your responses. I know this deep down, all I get from him is “you knew I had to look after my dad”, which I did but Christ I thought he would at least be more consistent. I’m hurt. I feel like once again I’m left with the baby on my own by a different dad this time and feel so stupid!!

OP posts:
Dayafterday · 02/03/2021 07:54

Why does his dad need care all day every day apart from the two nights a week when he comes to yours?

KatherineSiena · 02/03/2021 08:01

Good riddance to him. I hope he at least pays for his child? If not, claim ASAP.

Kelsey1991 · 02/03/2021 08:02

This is my issue. He can’t leave him bla bla bla. My best friend is a career full time. And has 3 children on her own as well as running a house. I need to face the fact he just can’t be arsed been a dad!

OP posts:
Kelsey1991 · 02/03/2021 08:03

Money has never been a issue with him he helps massively with that. I think he think it makes up for not been here. But like I’ve always said kids will remember who was there not what was spend. My oldest lad loves him, I just feel like the kids will be hurt in the process of all this!

OP posts:
Silenceisgolden20 · 02/03/2021 08:46

What a shit parent

Silenceisgolden20 · 02/03/2021 08:47

Him, not you.
He's completely taking the piss.

2pm???? Nothing to do with being a carer for his dad. He's using you for a shag.

Sorry but what a waste of space as a father

Mintjulia · 02/03/2021 08:54

By splitting up, I don't see how your son is any worse off. This man doesn't care for his son or spend time with him.

You might find your ex actually makes a bit more effort because otherwise he'll lose contact with his child altogether. That's what happened with us. I ended our relationship and moved out, ex magically found 10 hours a week to commit to his son because I wasn't pandering to ex's excuses any more.
Hold your nerve and see what happens.

Dayafterday · 02/03/2021 08:55

Does he also work then if he has money?

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