When one party is much more attractive than the other...

[PreciousOcean]

I've just started seeing someone. He is pretty gorgeous. Very muscular and toned. Beautiful face. Just extremely attractive. I'm a single mum with mum tum, slightly overweight, very wobbly, lots of cellulite etc. I look pretty gross naked. How do I get over this? I feel stupidly embarrassed about my body because it really is awful. The fact he looks so amazing makes me feel even worse! Help.

Op without wishing to give too much personal info away I have been involved in scenarios and dating inc OLD hook up sites etc where the men contacting me were younger, fitter, slimmer and better looking than me - not low self esteem speaking just an objective assessment

Before these particular experiences I had for years avoided responding to messages and approaches from such men, then I had a bit of an epiphany and basically went "Fuck it!" I finally acknowledged and accepted that confidence is the key.

I am 48, currently about a size 20, but this was only a few years ago and I wasn't much slimmer (16-18) with stretch marks, c section scar, other scars from surgeries, I have a birthmark on my face (which i was too self conscious about for decades), I have unfashionable natural colouring (very pale freckle skin couldn't tan if I tried! Red hair), I'm
Short so I don't carry the weight well.

I started taking my cue from what would now be described as body positive women I knew in real life, who dressed sexy and colourful if they wanted to, were very confident in approaching and flirting with men

I realised it was my own hang ups preventing me from enjoying myself.

I started buying and wearing more revealing and more colourful clothes and putting pics of the new me on OLD.

I hadn't lost loads of weight, I didn't photo shop I even stopped curating the pics to edit out the ones that showed my tummy apron or bingo wings etc but showed me having a good time and smiling confidently

I got way more interest and messages, I was sceptical at first still but I went on some of the dates and had some fun and I discussed this with one particular fwb I developed that arrangement with and he and others all said it's confidence that's attractive, it's things like knowing how you look but not letting the less attractive parts phase you and celebrating yourself as a whole person.

Now without wishing to brag I've dated some very gorgeous people since my mindset changed and had some of the best sex of my life!

He knows what you look like, he's presumably not an idiot who thinks you'll transform into some lithe barbie doll as soon as your coats off? AND I'm sure he has parts of his body he's not completely happy with too. Lots of men worry about receding hairlines, lack of muscle, flab, dodgy tatts they got as daft youngsters and can't afford to remedy, and of course their penises! Sooo many worry about that!

Focus on enjoying your time with him and getting to know each other. Everything else will come naturally if you're compatible (by which I mean personality wise)

I've honestly had "Shirley Valentine" moments where the person I was with in that moment has kissed and celebrated my stretch marks, my scars.

I'll admit women tend to be better tuned in to knowing what other women are likely to be insecure or worried about but then other women also need reassurance for their insecurities which can become a bit "mutual reassurance society" in bed at times

As a bisexual woman (I hope this comes across ok) I would not be put off a woman because of extra weight or stretch marks or scars, they're all part of that person and beautiful for it.

I genuinely hope that helps

Ah OP in my younger, single days I fell for a total Adonis. He was (is) so gorgeous with a beautiful body. He did physique modelling, like proper men's health kind of thing. I was a podgy, very soft single mum with stretch marks a plenty.
He absolutely adored me and my body, he was one of the most attentive lovers I've ever had. I used to call myself a potato but he's just say "I love potatoes" 😂. He was constantly telling me how sexy I was... Oh it sounds so silly now but even though I didn't end up with him (sob) he gave me back so much confidence and the way he loved me.... Gosh, I could write a poem about it if I was that way inclined.

Enjoy him OP he sounds lush.

My bf loves my wobbly bits.. I have no idea why because I think they are very unattractive but I have noticed he seems to enjoy my curves(putting it nicely).

I was coming on here to say exactly the same thing about my DP.

Also- I firmly believe that my DP is the most attractive, sexiest man in the world. He, however, thinks I'm exaggerating. He thinks he's "alright looking". It's not really about how you view yourself (although self-confidence is extremely attractive in itself)- it's how your partner views you. And he clearly sees a very sexy, attractive woman.

So accept that, and be her

@PreciousOcean

Except I have pretty much been wearing a tent as we've only been on outside dates and my coat is a huge puffy thing! I think I'm in my head way too much.

I think your best bet might be to forget all about it. After all, you're not wanting you to fall in love with your body, so your opinion on it's a bit irrelevant.

People fancy all sorts of things, physically, but in terms of personality, I think most of us find quiet confidence very attractive, and overwhelming insecurity a bit of a turn off.

And... even if your body is in really bad shape... do you want to be with someone that superficial that that's all they're interested in? It's lovely that he's got such a nice body, but if that's all he has, and there's no depth to him, you'll get fed up eventually. Hopefully he's interested in more than your body, and if not, you don't want him anyway.