Why did my boyfriend change his mind about not wanting a girlfriend?

[jseekinganswers]

To give some context - my boyfriend 25(m) had been single all his life until we became official mid 2020.

Before me, he was seeing another girl Zoe who he really liked but has told me he wasn't ready to turn it into a relationship. He says he was faithful to her, but the label of being exclusive put too much pressure on him despite not wanting to be with anyone else. She ended it because he wouldn't commit a few days before we met, which I believe he was pretty cut up about.

We’d been dating for a few months, then in March he told a friend of his that he was hoping I would cheat so he had an excuse to break up with me. A month later he told me he loved me and another month later asked me to be his girlfriend.

We’ve been together during lockdown, so my questions are, firstly why would he be willing to commit to me when a few months before he wasn't even though he really liked the girl. Secondly, why would he tell his friends he wanted me to do something worthy of him ending the relationship and then go on to tell me he loved me - surely your mind doesn't change that drastically in a month. And thirdly I worry that the relationship for him may be a stand in whilst we are in lockdown for convenience, and as soon as we are free again he will go back to his lothario ways.

I’m a huge overthinker if you couldn't already tell :)

Either he's fallen madly in love with you and it's all changed or he's a bit of a knob filling time during lockdown.
There's one more likely answer. I don't mean that rudely but there's strong signs that aren't good

*I’m a huge overthinker if you couldn't already tell please don't go down the route of thinking you're the issue and an over thinker. This is red flags galore and you need to think about the culprit.
Realising this and being wary isn't a bad thing and doesn't make you an over thinker

Commitment phobia.

With the right partner, you won't have all these questions. Things will feel, on the whole, just 'right', and they'll make sense. He will be with you because he wants to be, and you will know, and trust that.

Why do you want to be with someone who has you in this situation of questioning his motives so much?

Why did you stay with someone who was looking for an excuse to break up with you?

with the best will in the world, you only have his version of what happened with 'Zoe'. he's hardly going to come out and say yes we were a proper couple but she dumped me for being an inveterate shagger is he?

He's not in that phase of life where he wants to settle with anyone, he moved onto you only a few days after his last relationship was over and the same thing, commitment phobe. Don't waste your time thinking why he's like it.

I only very recently found this out, and he doesn't know I know.

UPDATE* - We are in an 'official' relationship and have been since May of last year, and I have no doubts that he has been faithful since then

Don't ask us questions about him. Rather, ask yourself the question of why you're putting up with this. He has no respect for you.
Walk away while your dignity is still hanging in there.
Good luck and sorry this is happening to you

You need to ask him. It may have been lockdown convenience, but as that was several months ago he may have genuinely found feeling for you now. You may still be a convenience. You need to have a sit down conversation. We can't tell you why.

Does he have any additional needs?

Thanks everyone! Sounds like I may be a little blind to what's very obvious!

You’re in a relationship with Mr Hot and Cold. His immaturity will mean you will always be the last to know what is going on in your relationship and his assertion that he’d rather you cheat (thus you being the bad guy), suggests cowardice. In addition, he messed the girl before you around and was supposedly cut up about it when she rightfully kicked his arse to the kerb, yet a few days later he met you.

Good luck with this one, you’re going to need.