I don't know if my husband loves me.

[Lullaby88]

We have been married for 5 years.
He is a nice person, he shows he cares about me and takes my opinions into consideration. We had a rocky beginning to our relationship. I with held saying I love you because I felt it wouldn't be sincere at that time to say it. And he took it personally and took many steps back. I don't think i'm the type of person to keep saying I love you. I say it occasionally. Maybe once a year. Its felt very dead the past few years in terms of deep love. But a few months ago I began getting deep feelings for him again. It was weird. It was like this is how I should feel all the time. But now he is resentful with the I love you thing so I feel really scared to say it to him as I think itl mess things up. Can someone advice me. Is this fluctuation normal? It does not feel consistent with him at all. Or is it me? Im really confused. I also feel if I argue with a friend for example my feelings of love and positivity go away from him too. Or if he does something little to annoy me itl just go away. Please advice me.

You say you don’t know if your DH loves you. It sounds like he doesn’t know if you love him.
You can’t blow hot and cold in relationships. It is not only very confusing and upsetting but it pisses people off too.
Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear OP but to receive love you have to give love.

Consistently.

Honestly I don't see a problem here.
Yes it's normal to hate your OH at times. There's going to be ups and downs.
You need to ask if you're happy?

You sound hard work.

OP - I think you have some Hollywood/fairly tale idea of love and marriage.

Saying or not saying ‘l love yous’ - isn’t a game or a test. And love in itself isn’t only a ‘deep feeling’ that is passive.

You seem to be quite wrapped up in your head and it’s all about how you ‘feel’ love. But what your H perceives isn’t what you feel inside - he is on the receiving end of how you are in a relationship. Whether or not you say ‘love yous’ - unless you back it up with behaviours and care that actually shows your love - those words don’t mean much.
And the same is true for him. But you do mention that he cares and respects you.
So - most of your post is really not about him but about you.

I think @MMmomDD has it bang on.

If you can't get the words out, do you hug him or tell him he looks fit or wow that t shirt really brings out your eyes. Do you kiss him before one of you leave the house? Anything like that?