Don't feel treated fairly...

[SwellMell]

Hey everyone,
I'm new here and just wanted to talk about a few relationship niggles I seem to be experiencing lately. Unfortunately, my parents aren't around anymore and my brother isn't all that great at relationship talk, bless him haha!

I am 52yo, female, and I have been in a relationship for just over 12 years now and my husband is 45yo. Now I do love him, but over the years there have been a few occasions where I have felt that the relationship is a bit one sided and it makes me feel not that important to him.

Here's an example;
A few years ago I received some insurance money from a car accident I was involved in. Nothing serious. When the money came through, my husband seemed very keen on suggesting what we could do with it and in the end we put the money toward some camping equipment, as we love camping. I was OK with this. Now, he does this if I get a bonus at Christmas from work. He's planning holidays or house DIY projects and I always just go along with it, after all we are spending the money on us.
How-ever, he doesn't seem as generous when-ever he has some spare money. He recently had an accident at work and received a payout and has decided to book a holiday abroad with his brother and friend. He did ask me if I wanted to go, but I would have to pay for myself.
To be honest, this has niggled me a bit and I've decided I don't want to go.

Am I being to sensitive and soft?

If that was a fairly isolated example then I’d say you were being unreasonable and a bit precious, considering it seems the majority of money which comes into the house is spent in things for you both to benefit from; but since you’re posting here, presumably you feel him being selfish is a regular occurrence?

Have you spoken to him about it? Do you communicate well in general?

@ComtesseDeSpair

If that was a fairly isolated example then I’d say you were being unreasonable and a bit precious, considering it seems the majority of money which comes into the house is spent in things for you both to benefit from; but since you’re posting here, presumably you feel him being selfish is a regular occurrence?

Have you spoken to him about it? Do you communicate well in general?

Yes we do speak and it isn't an isolated example. Yes again, it does feel a bit selfish and isn't the first time. I don't mind him going away without me or anything like that, I just feel if it was myself with the extra money, I would pay for my husband and then ask if my brother or friend could afford to come along.

Yeah that example makes it sound like he's selfish and doesn't have you as a priority. I wouldn't be happy with that

Yes, that is selfish.

Is he sharing any of that money with you?

Next bonus or whatever you get, you make the main decision on what to do with it rather than him spend it for you and you go along with what he wants.

Agree with RantyAnty, in fact next bonus you get you should spend exclusively on yourself and if he questions it you're now perfectly placed to say you assumed that was the done thing since that's what he did with his compensation money. It won't cure him being selfish but at least it will stop you feeling taken for a mug while you figure out whether you actually want to stay with someone who treats you that way.

He is selfish. Have you pulled him up on it?