How did I get to this stage, after 13 years I’m ready to throw in the towel but I find it impossible to walk away from this man ... I do care about him but he treats me like shit. His first wife died of cancer when she was 39. That’s tough, yes... it was very sad and he went to pieces after losing her, camping by her grave etc... playing her favourite songs over and over at the cemetery, spending hours there ... I though eventually he would be able to move on and I would make him happy. We’ve had 2 children together that he loves and he’s a good loyal husband but his heart just isn’t in it .., he isn’t interested in anything - it’s as though he is existing, not living. He works from home and he never leaves the house unless I drag him out. He has no interests or friends. I love walking, swimming and exercise, restaurants, concerts, gardening, art etc ... he isn’t interested in food and can never eat what I cook (he doesn’t like fresh veg - prefers a frozen pizza)
But the biggest issue for me is his attitude towards my eldest daughter (who I bought up on my own for 14 years prior to meeting him) he never rings her (she now lives away from home) and the icing on the cake was over the weekend I asked him what he would like to do after lockdown if he was to choose a day doing everything he’d dreamed of doing over the past year - he said “nothing” ... as if that wasn’t bad enough (you would have thought he could think of something/someone he’d like to see after 12 months lockdown) when I said “well I would like to go to London, see Sophie (my daughter) and take her out for a slap up meal, maybe see a show ..” he snapped “how much is that going to bloody cost” ... and looked furious. I felt like bursting into tears of frustration and anger there and then but held it together for the sake of our 2 children.
I’m sick of holding it in, pandering to him, trying to keep him happy, cajoling him and placating him the whole time ... I get little back ... little conversation, interest or anything ... he is always a false ‘jolly’ with me or a angry resentful person who I have to tread carefully around ...
I do everything in my own (if I drag him out in a walk he races along wanting it ‘over’ it’s always such an effort I’d rather be alone now) and if we are together alone he will go for hours without speaking to me - he has no conversation, there seems to be little joy in his life, he has no interest in making plans or looking forward ...