Can't sleep with boyfriend

[Lilyminilli]

Not sure where to post this. I've been with bf for about a year. Had been single for a few years prior to this.
Anyway I think he's fab we are both single parents and have common values. Its tricky managing when to see each other around our various parental duties but when we do we have a lovely time. The sex is also great (sorry if tmi)
The problem is that i and quite often my bf never get a good sleep when we stay together. For me I do feel on edge about snoring (I know I'm bad). My stomach seems to go into over drive and I get trapped wind. I seem to wake up often and am restless (although I'm always shattered) and all of this wakes up my bf.
I feel really bad about this but he always reassures me that it doesnt matter and I shouldn't worry about it. But I do! I know he suffers without sleep and he has a really stressful job.

I dont know what to do. I think its partly anxiety as I never sleep well in "strange" beds.
I lived with my ex for 10 years so I know about the snoring (it's a family trait :( ) but he never said anything else.
I guess other factors are that my daughter is 5 and always been a bad sleeper so I wonder if I've been trained not to sleep?

I don't know what I'm asking but any ideas or empathy is welcome.
(For what its worth I I sleep better on my own but I do wake if I'm stressed about something)

Have you tried to do anything about the snoring OP? Are you overweight? Or have you looked into anything you can buy or potentially a procedure you can have?

Also maybe try mediation or a sleep course for better sleeping

I get this too, trapped wind and snore. It doesn't help that I also talk in my sleep and its complete nonsense. If the man is the right man, he'll find it funny and won't care. Your boyfriend won't care. Men snore and fart too! My partner one time did such a loud and smelly fart it woke me up. He blamed me!

Try not to let it bother you and just laugh about it. It's a normal thing to do.

There's nothing wrong with sleeping in separate beds if you have room and it works for both of you. Much better to get a good night's sleep than feel constantly stressed and tired sharing a bed.

Is there somewhere else you can retreat to to sleep, when you need to? It's good to know you're not trapped in the same bed, if it makes you anxious.

Maybe you could look into some sort of improvement to your sleep in general, even when you're alone? It sounds like you're a bit of a restless sleeper anyway.

What size bed do you have? For me, switching from a normal double to a king size bed has made a whole world of difference in quality of sleep. It means you can turn over in the night without having to do the shuffle-jump turn that you have to manage not to wake the other sleeper in a smaller bed, and that might be helpful with snoring. It's 6 inches width bigger and I never would have believed how much difference it makes.

Thanks everyone.
I am a bit overweight (lockdown) but not too bad. I might talk to gp about snoring.

He does have a spare room but I guess he is ok really as he's never gone there.

I will look into meditation. Thank you

We both have king size beds. I am small 5ft4 but he is not 6ft2 so we need the room

Is it anxiety about snoring that's keeping you awake, thus disturbing him? If so try not to let it play on your mind so much. I have sleep paralysis and often used to wake with night terrors screaming the place down (especially new places!), but I just mentioned it to now DH beforehand and it's never been a problem. We had a laugh about it and it actually happens much less frequently now (I say that and it'll happen tonight 😂).

He also snores a lot, but I just poke him and he turns over. Doesn't bother me. We laugh about it in the morning.

What I'm saying (in a long winded way!) is could you try and focus on the silliness of it instead of the worry? Take away its power. It sounds like he isn't bothered himself!

Also, maybe agree with him to talk to you if you do disturb him so one of you moves to the spare room if needed. So if he doesn't bring it up it's because it's not an issue for him.