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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

‘Cheating’ after baby, should I stay?

2 replies

Heebee100 · 28/02/2021 02:29

For reference, we are both in our early twenties, he is a few years younger than me, we have been together 3 years and we have had our first child less than a year ago.

Looking back now I probably had some sort of post natal depression around 6 months ago and the relationship really suffered as I was able to communicate as I didn’t understand it myself- our sex life also suffered as I had no drive and he made it clear it was very important to him, making it worse I believe. He would talk about leaving every months or so. I withdrew into myself and didn’t want to spend time or talk.

I wanted us to live apart (not forever and with him coming over several nights a week) but I felt the situation was too far gone to commit to a 1/2 week ‘break’. I have always payed for our home (a different conversation) so didn’t feel like I was that wrong. I now see it as being hurtful but couldn’t cope with the pressure to be happy and the ‘old me’ and regular sex. He said if we were not living at the same place we are not in a relationship. I simply said ok as I knew I NEEDED space.

Within 4 days of him moving out, he was back visiting multiple times a week, talking more deeply than ever about our issues and being intimate. We had conversation about where we were at and he said he wasn’t speaking to anyone else and would tell me if he was to sleep with anyone. This was 2 months ago. I found out two weeks ago that he had slept with another girl twice in this time. He saw me a day before seeing here, in the middle of the two times and regularly since.

I feel like I can’t move on. I think about it so much. I am able to forget whilst were together a lot but every night we’re not together I either cry or dream about it.

I think I’m just reaching out for anyone who’s had a similar situation or for advice

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 28/02/2021 02:36

I don't think you much has happened and you won't be able to get past it. Consider an amicable end and try and coparent.

WineInTheWillows · 28/02/2021 02:36

It's a toughie, alright. How's he been since he returned? Still pressuring you for sex? Does he help out with the baby and house? Is he attentive to your needs? Are you happy in the relationship at the moment, cheating aside? Is he now contributing to bills/housing costs? Does he have a job? How long has he been back?

Lots of people will go straight for LTB but with kids involved I think it's sometimes more complicated than that. And for him to be a few years younger than you but you still in your early twenties he must be, what, 21, 22 at the most? He's been a twat, but at his age lots of men are and it doesn't necessarily follow that he will be again, so I'd think twice about leaving if all else is good in the relationship, personally. That's a big if though.

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