Help me work this out

NonsensicalHair · 27/02/2021 22:15

What do you mean by "wormed his way back in"?

Is it your house? If so, you can make him leave. He has no right to be there if you own or rent it.

Tell him again that it's over and keep repeating it. Use the 'broken record' technique.

Ruminating2020 · 27/02/2021 22:19

Ive tried talking but he won’t accept its over he accusing me of having a breakdown

He is gaslighting you. This will continue and go round in circles unless you are firm and repeat that it is over. Do not allow any exceptions.

Original poster

Dinosaursobsessedson · 27/02/2021 22:21

Whats the broken record tenchique
im not exactly sure what happened he came round to see the dc
Asked to stay we talked and he made me feel guilty I guess so I agreed to get bsck together making plans its good for a few weeks then i go full circle in wanting rid again

OP posts:

Original poster

Dinosaursobsessedson · 27/02/2021 22:21

Its rented

OP posts:

Haffiana · 27/02/2021 22:24

Third time lucky then, OP. You need to stop being suckered. That means that you have to WANT to not be suckered.

NonsensicalHair · 28/02/2021 11:51

Yes, you need to tell him to go and mean it. He can't make you feel guilty if you know you have nothing to be guilty about. You're allowed to end the relationship if it's no longer right for you. Look up the 'broken record' technique online. It just means repeating something again and again and not deviating from the message you're giving to someone, no matter what their response.

Ruminating2020 · 28/02/2021 12:21

Do not let him pressure you back into the relationship. It is very draining and you need to be fair on yourself and him.

Eckhart · 28/02/2021 12:32

This is what's happening:

You have poor boundaries.
You don't know how to enforce boundaries.
He takes advantage of this and manipulates you into doing what he feels.
You feel you're going mad, in the same way anybody with trampled boundaries feels they're going mad.

That's it. Your poor boundaries probably come from the example set to you by your parents, so, not your fault, but, your responsibility to fix. This is your route to your happy solution (and happy life)

In your wildest dreams, how would this situation resolve? What would be the most perfect, ideal outcome?

Ruminating2020 · 28/02/2021 12:44

@Eckhart

This is what's happening:

You have poor boundaries.
You don't know how to enforce boundaries.
He takes advantage of this and manipulates you into doing what he feels.
You feel you're going mad, in the same way anybody with trampled boundaries feels they're going mad.

That's it. Your poor boundaries probably come from the example set to you by your parents, so, not your fault, but, your responsibility to fix. This is your route to your happy solution (and happy life)

In your wildest dreams, how would this situation resolve? What would be the most perfect, ideal outcome?

Spot on about boundaries. He is trampling over them and knows that you will relent under pressure.

You will get to a point where you've broken up and got back together a few times that it will now not mean anything to him. Assert your boundaries and spell out the consequences.

Original poster

Dinosaursobsessedson · 28/02/2021 13:04

Thank you guys so much!
I am going out now with dc but will read into it tonight
You are spot on about learning no boundaries growing up
in my wildest dresms he would just feck off with someone else I wouldn’t care, infact id be relieved

OP posts:

Eckhart · 28/02/2021 13:46

I'm glad to hear it. I thought your wildest dream might be 'I want him to change back to the amazing partner he used to be', but you're already past that step. You're half way there !

Ive tried talking but he won’t accept its over he accusing me of having a breakdown
Im beginning to think is he right
Or am i bi polar because i try to look forward and make it work then i get fed up and want to end it again

So, you know how you feel, you tell him, he won't accept it, so you think you're mad.

Does that sum it up?

BlueThistles · 28/02/2021 13:49

@Eckhart

This is what's happening:

You have poor boundaries.
You don't know how to enforce boundaries.
He takes advantage of this and manipulates you into doing what he feels.
You feel you're going mad, in the same way anybody with trampled boundaries feels they're going mad.

That's it. Your poor boundaries probably come from the example set to you by your parents, so, not your fault, but, your responsibility to fix. This is your route to your happy solution (and happy life)

In your wildest dreams, how would this situation resolve? What would be the most perfect, ideal outcome?

brilliant explanation... spot on 🌺