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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dd ex found her.

14 replies

1useonly · 27/02/2021 18:31

My daughter left a dv relationship. He went on the run after he beat her up. Dd got put into emgency accommodation. He got caught and is now in prison. Council moved dd from one emgency accommodation to another. Only the 2nd place was a risk area as hes known to the area and has friends and family there. But council told dd she has to take it and had a letter saying if she did not they would remove duty. Anyway a few days ago she got a letter from him at the address she is staying. It had the address of the main building but not her room number. And it did not have her name on the envelope or in the letter. He had addressed it to my forever love. On the back was his name and prison number. Inside the letter he did not use her name but referred to her as babygirl.

So now we are trying to work out how he found out the address.

  1. could someone he knows have seen her.

  2. was it via the court. Could it be the court had not realised she had moved to an address not known to the ex. So the court sent copy's of the court letters which contained her address. Or maybe on the restraining order it said do not go to or near this address.

Just a little more detail the envelope had the sticky stamp on it but not the ink stamps ? I looked on the gov site and it said most out going post is checked. So I guess that means not all.

I'm just wondering if this has happened to others.

OP posts:
PussGirl · 27/02/2021 18:35

You might never work it out but she needs to tell the Police.

Original poster
1useonly · 27/02/2021 18:44

@PussGirl

You might never work it out but she needs to tell the Police.
She has already and is getting another moved sorted out.
OP posts:
Kelly345 · 27/02/2021 18:55

It didn't have her name or room number so how did it actually get to her?

Original poster
1useonly · 27/02/2021 19:00

@Kelly345

It didn't have her name or room number so how did it actually get to her?
There are only 6 rooms. The mail just gos through the letter box of the main front door. So she would have seen it . Then his name and prison number on the back.
OP posts:
ComeCovidCloser · 27/02/2021 19:01

A young relative of mine had an almost identical experience after being groomed by a perv, who was put in jail for multiple offences and then continued to harass her and stalk her on his release. Report and show any communication to the police and encourage her to continue zero contact. When my relative contacted the police she was offered support through a domestic violence support network, it's maybe worth her reaching out to the police to see if they have something similar. They were also able to assist her in being more assertive with the council as I don't think they were taking the threat as seriously as they should have been.

Re how he found out, if they have friends in common on social media or elsewhere then it could be someone she knows, in my relatives case he turned up outside uni and followed her home. It's really quite disturbing and you both must be worried. For the time being it may be worth her shutting down social media and telling absolutely no one her a whereabouts. Hopefully the council will get their finger out and be a bit more helpful.

ComeCovidCloser · 27/02/2021 19:03

Also please contact the prison where it came from and let them know he is harassing her from there.

Original poster
1useonly · 27/02/2021 19:07

@ComeCovidCloser

A young relative of mine had an almost identical experience after being groomed by a perv, who was put in jail for multiple offences and then continued to harass her and stalk her on his release. Report and show any communication to the police and encourage her to continue zero contact. When my relative contacted the police she was offered support through a domestic violence support network, it's maybe worth her reaching out to the police to see if they have something similar. They were also able to assist her in being more assertive with the council as I don't think they were taking the threat as seriously as they should have been.

Re how he found out, if they have friends in common on social media or elsewhere then it could be someone she knows, in my relatives case he turned up outside uni and followed her home. It's really quite disturbing and you both must be worried. For the time being it may be worth her shutting down social media and telling absolutely no one her a whereabouts. Hopefully the council will get their finger out and be a bit more helpful.

Shes already in contact with DV support etc she has reported to the police as well. Also I have spoken to her about social media. She's going to have a clean up of it. I said to her it could be someone that she has forgotten about. And explained she can't take any risks. So hopefully it will get sorted. Prison needs to be spoken to as well I think.
OP posts:
RB68 · 27/02/2021 19:25

please make sure that her solicitor is aware that her address needs to be kept secret - they need a special permission from the court to do this and redact her address for court documents - my friends solicitor failed to do this and the court released her details and castigated her for redacting saying he wasn't allowed to even though she was at the time on red alert for her an her daughter. So yes may well have been the court if this is not sorted - or could be someone who knows him working somewhere that has her info - its going to be difficult to trace. Report to Police, but also court for the direct contact. She also needs an anti harrassment order against him with police arrest on breach (not just back to court)

RB68 · 27/02/2021 19:27

If she could drop SM, change phone and repassword all emails etc. She will also need to speak with social services regarding where she is placed next so that she can reject certain aras and have the support of the police and SS to reject anything unsuitable.

Original poster
1useonly · 27/02/2021 20:21

@RB68

If she could drop SM, change phone and repassword all emails etc. She will also need to speak with social services regarding where she is placed next so that she can reject certain aras and have the support of the police and SS to reject anything unsuitable.
They have asked her for a list of safe areas. Which this time are in writing via email. Shes really scared that they are going to force her 4/5 hours away. Which she won't cope with. As she has mental health issues and relies on me quite alot. Hopefully things are put in place so that it does not happen again.
OP posts:
pipsqueakbollock · 28/02/2021 06:37

Form is C8

She should always use C8 - what sort of legal representation did she have?

www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c8-confidential-contact-details-family-procedure-rules-2010-rule-291

She should show how serious she is by changing her email and mobile number. It's actually very liberating - I speak from experience.

If she has to move again, then this is the time to do it as she needs to inform back and government services anyway. Change the lot this time.

picknmix1984 · 28/02/2021 07:33

If it was my daughter I would be moving too in order to keep her safe.

gutful · 28/02/2021 07:40

Tell her to delete her social media for awhile. Just come completely off it & deactivate

There is a mole somewhere

It could be at her residence or via her Facebook.

It would be wiser to deactivate than just try to up security settings.

DianaT1969 · 28/02/2021 08:17

She really should have deleted all social media. I hope she got a new, cheap burner phone and new SIM card too?
He could know her passwords to the cloud, apple account, Amazon account (it shows saved deliver addresses) email, social media... anything...
If she uploads one photo to SM or comments on something she's seen or a place, it's so easy for him to work out her area.
From what you've said, I don't think she purged all her communications, passwords and devices.

She needs to shut down all accounts and come off it completely. Her friends and family she must never mention her or tag her in social media either.

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