I don’t know what to do

[BuzzyBee91]

I’ve been with my partner for 2 years. I’m 33 and he’s 40 years old and he has 3 girls from his ex. I love him, never met anyone so similar to me in many ways. Covid has obviously restricted a lot of relationships and I feel it has ours. However, I just don’t know If love is enough anymore. I’m finding myself getting angry, irritated and just upset about so many things, little things not even particularly important. He hasn’t worked for 18 months, and not sure when he will return due to health, I pay for probably 80/85% of things including clothes, food, rent, bills etc. I run around doing majority of things for him and his girls whenever they are around, I work a full time job even through the pandemic and it just never ends. I know we can’t do much with Covid but there’s no signs of holidays or anything to look forward to unless I’m paying for it. I feel tired and drained all the time. I plan everything - days out, date nights, valentines gifts, birthday surprises and I get very little back. I’m just so disappointed but scared, upset because I feel I have put so much into the relationship.

If you weren't there, OP, I can guarantee he would rarely if ever have his daughters to stay, would he? The first problem would be nowhere for them to stay, the second that he couldn't afford to feed/clothe them and the third that he would have to make an effort.

This is the father that he is. This is the partner that you have chosen.

Quite apart from your own very low self-esteem, for the sake of your future children you need to be VERY choosy about who will be their father. You cannot wish this father on your precious children to be. What sort of parent would you wish for your child?

"I've only ever known shit relationships my previous cheated on me, in and out of work and I don’t know, guess I do have easy target written on my head!"

Yes and you also have "Victim Here" written on your forehead. This man knew that as well hence you being targeted by him. Such men too can all too easily sense easily manipulated and emotionally vulnerable women at 1000 yards distance. He really did hit paydirt when he met you didn't he?. He is really living the life of riley at your expense.

Consider at length now what you learnt about relationships when you were growing up. There are likely a lot of damaging lessons from those days that need to be unlearnt here through counselling and or therapy.

You have one shot at this life; you need to end this relationship asap and embark on counselling to unlearn all the crap you have learnt about relationships to date. This is yet another dead end relationship you have found yourself in and you will keep doing this same old shit to yourself over and over if you do not work on you. Doing the same old expecting a different result is an exercise in futility.

Love your own self for a change and raise your relationship bar, boundaries and self worth a lot higher before you embark on another relationship. You will thank your own self for doing so.