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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Counting down till H back to his office!!

44 replies

GeraniumSweet · 26/02/2021 17:29

I really want my husband to go back to his office schedule now. We’ve both been wfh since last March and it’s just been too long in each other’s company!

Before the pandemic, we barely saw him Monday to Friday and that was a good balance. He left before our DC woke up and got home after they were asleep and just 1 hour before my own bedtime. That was manageable. We had all weekend as a family and just a few hours on weekend evenings together, but even that time was busy with life and other people.

In my mind I’d planned to keep the family together until our youngest DC goes to uni...in 15 years 🙈 I don’t want to get divorced and lose my DC for half the time.

I love all of us as a family. I don’t like H as a person and I don’t enjoy his company on a 1:1 basis. When it was just a couple of weekend evenings, interspersed with friends, meals out, cinema, other family members, it was quite good.

I don’t think I’ll be able to tolerate him if we need to stick to their wfh proximity (and barely any other outside social interactions) for another 6 months!!

I just need to grey rock for the next half a year. Then hopefully he can disappear for most of the time and I can enjoy our lovely home and family.

Is anyone else in a similar situation?

OP posts:

Stopcollaborateandlisten77 · 26/02/2021 23:10

I feel similar, op. There can be many reasons a person is stuck. I think you’re getting a hard time here.

Mundayblues · 27/02/2021 05:25

Your post is pretty horrible to read to be honest. I think you owe it to your husband to let him know how you feel.

Aprilx · 27/02/2021 05:33

@BrideofBideford

LOCK NOT LICK

OMG 😯

@BrideofBideford

Laughed out loud at your first post .. after reading it a couple of times.

😂

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 27/02/2021 05:38

What is the point in being together if this is how you feel?

Theunamedcat · 27/02/2021 06:03

Happened to my parents for years he worked night shifts she worked during the day then he chose to work day shifts and she saw him every day had to share a bed with him every night they were divorced within 12 months

ScoobyBlues · 27/02/2021 08:43

This is no way to live. Being married to someone who you don't like is a waste of your time and your husbands time. I don't see the point in staying together.

Like you I hardly saw my dh before the lockdowns and I've absolutely loved him being around more. Not only is he in the house when he's actually working but he's not commuting either so we've got that extra time too. At the start I did think it was going to be annoying but it's been great. He's far more involved with family life now.

femfemlicious · 27/02/2021 08:50

Wow i really hope he leaves you. Basically you want him to dissappear to work all day so he can pay for you untill you are ready to leave him...really nasty. Then he will have to give you more than half what he has worked for AND children who dont know or like him as he was never there...lovely!

CandyLeBonBon · 27/02/2021 08:58

Well I used to feel like this about my husband after 10 years of marriage. So we divorced. Because it's a miserable existence otherwise.

I'd suggest you do similar. And he does eow with the kids (except during the past 12 months when he's hardly seen them) because he also got up before them/came home after they were in Bex, so 50/50 is nonsense.

What's the point of your relationship exactly?

blowonitthen · 27/02/2021 09:01

This is sad, OP. I thought it was going to be a bit more light-hearted as I'm sure it's difficult spending so much time together if you aren't used to it.

Once you realise you won't make it until your youngest is 18 (and I hope you realise they don't stop being impacted at this age), you should consider that divorcing while they are young is usually preferable than when they are older.
It also doesn't sound like it would necessarily be a 50/50 split while they're young if he leaves before they're up and gets back once they're asleep, unless you think he will change his working hours to have them 50/50?

combatbarbie · 27/02/2021 09:14

Why did you marry him?

smellyolddog · 27/02/2021 09:51

@BrideofBideford just spat my coffee out laughing .. picturing some crazed women licking herself like a cat each evening. 🤣🤣

Quirrelsotherface · 28/02/2021 07:10

@BrideofBideford just spat my coffee out laughing .. picturing some crazed women licking herself like a cat each evening. 🤣🤣

Best typo on Mumsnet, ever.

OP, I hear you and yes you are getting harsh replies on here. Life is not simple, nor black and white but on this particular board, it really is.
Without knowing more about the situation nobody can make the assumptions that they are. How do we know what the DH is like or if he is happy with the situation?

gamerchick · 28/02/2021 07:19

So you're like using him and planning on using him for the next 15 years?

Poor bloke. I'm assuming there's a back story or drip feed coming that he's a right twat but going on what you've said, he pays for a house he's not welcome in.

yetmorecrap · 28/02/2021 10:00

I do get the lack of space thing and someone being around all the time— in a good marriage it can be a minor irritance, in one that’s really not working it becomes unbearable. I think OP when it gets to the point that you realise you don’t actually like his company then you are being unfair on him (and yourself although you may not realise that) . It’s plain using someone and a guy on here saying this would be thrown to the wolves and your children aren’t your possessions to hang onto for grim death. Maybe if you were happier in yourself out if this relationship , then you would actually get to appreciate some free time — When they are adults your children would be upset to think you were living an unhappy life just so you didn’t have to share any care

DemandTheBest · 28/02/2021 11:30

Be careful of karma, OP. Would you want to be treated so disingenuously?

Ijustreallywantacat · 28/02/2021 11:34

I feel sorry for your husband. If he read this he'd surely be heartbroken. I know I would be if my DP wrote this about me.

thelonggame · 28/02/2021 11:58

I assume that you are UK?
I'm in WA and we have hardly been effected by Covid as we closed the borders really quickly.
But one outcome has been that a lot of companies are promoting more wfh, my DH company ( a big international company) are now 60% office and 40% wfh.
So there is a good chance that things may never go back to how they were pre-covid.

honeylulu · 28/02/2021 16:57

If you usually only see your husband for an hour a day and he doesn't actually see the children at all weekdays then there won't be much chance if 50/50. Maybe EOW but if he's not a very hands on dad he might not even want that.

You are cheating him though by planning to stay in this sham marriage for another FIFTEEN years. Has he any idea how you feel? You owe it to him to tell him, even if he's a shit husband. What is it you can't bear about him? I'm guessing he is at least a good provider. Do you work? If not maybe you should, then running costs for your own home won't be so daunting.

Don't kid yourself you're staying for the children's sake. An amicable divorce need not be traumatic for them. By staying in a fake marriage for the sake of material trappings you are giving them a very poor life lesson in what really matters.

gannett · 01/03/2021 07:33

Then hopefully he can disappear for most of the time and I can enjoy our lovely home and family.

It's so messed up that you don't think of him as part of the home and family.

Don't kid yourself that you're staying for your DC, either. Growing up in this kind of environment will NOT be good for them, whether they're better off materially or not.

You're staying for yourself. You're staying because you want your husband's money and to be able to gain social status by projecting the image of the perfect nuclear family. You want that for yourself and you've used a man you don't care for to get it. You want it so much for yourself that you'll happily wreck your own DCs' emotional development to keep it. It's the height of materialist selfishness.

I hope you at least save up enough money to help with your DCs' therapy bills in 20 years' time.

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