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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Maybe someone can advise me

3 replies

Jetstream · 25/02/2021 21:31

My first post and, tbh, unsure if anyone will be able to help me.
This might be a long so please bear with me.

Currently I am living in the family home. Normally on my own but since lockdown my mother is here. My mother usually resides in another part of the country for reasons I’d prefer not to say publicly.

I am here to keep the house from falling apart until it is sold. There is no immediate plan for this to happen.

For the last few years I’ve been retraining in a couple different sector to the one I used to work in. My previous career fell through the floor after the last recession.

I have managed to get some work experience in this new career but not enough to gain a job even at entry level in a permanent job.

So I am looking at other options, trying to keep my spirits high but I just am unable to carry on with this endless struggle.

I am dyslexic and found out at university. Before I started university I worked mainly on stable yards but due to injuries it had to stop and I was told by my GP to find a nice 9-5 job.

I got through university found it hard to get work in the same country. Returned to here (Ireland) and got work then the recession hit.

I suppose what I want to know is how does everyone else do it? Get the good job, be independent of family, be contented with their lives?

How does everyone else cope with continuous knocks and set-backs? An overbearing family? in particular mother, whom basically treats me a second class citizen compared to the siblings. And, on more than more occasion, told me that my job is to support her. I have been looking after her and this house since I was a young child. The siblings did their own thing and despite her moaning, complaining and crying she let them go.

I have stood up for myself but she has managed to keep a rope around my neck. She denies she has said terrible things to me and when I point out when she asks me why I listen to her.

Recently I got upset and she turned my sadness to be about her.

I am not usually a negative person, I get on with things and do the best I can but at this stage I am wondering why bother.

I have done counselling in the past but it didn’t help me. My siblings don’t care and side with her.

Thank you for reading this post.

OP posts:
category12 · 25/02/2021 21:55

When is she going back to where she usually lives?

You really need to do what your siblings have done, ignore the emotional blackmail and pressure, and start living your own life.

She can only keep a rope round your neck if you let her.

If the house is not yours and you feel you have to put up with her antics because of it, then you need to change your housing situation. If you leave and it falls into disrepair, tough shit for whoever owns it. It's not your responsibility to protect someone else's investment especially if the price is your mental health.

Jetstream · 25/02/2021 22:12

Once it is safe for her to do so. We are still at Level 5 lockdown.

I agree with you. It just seems to be impossible to do it.

OP posts:
autumnalrain · 25/02/2021 22:38

I’m afraid your only option is to move out

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