Sex only relationships - do they always end in tears?

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Usually I don't like this kind of thing. But I am separated from my dh and don't want a relationship with anyone else at the moment. I suppose I want some affection but nothing heavy. The person I'm in this situation with is not someone I want to be with but I am attracted to him. He's happy with the arrangement because of my emotional baggage (but i'm sure he has liked me for a long time). However, I'm worried that even though I would never date him I might develop feelings (I'm sure I haven't yet). A few weeks ago I went over to see him and tried to leave afterwards right away but he wanted me to lie on him, cuddle etc and talk about my issues.

Am I right in thinking this will not stay as a sex only thing and I should knock it on the head now?

Not sure really. I know i couldn't do it, but I have a friend who is in this sort of situation and it suits her. It sounds like this bloke wants more from you though.

i will only work if u both genuinly want the same thing. can get messy if 1 wants more than the other

He says he doesn't want more but he suggested it's not because of me but my situation iyswim. I'm thinking you can't rationalise away feelings. But I don't know what I feel except that I could never actually be with him.

Everyone's different, but I'm helping my friend recover from one of these.

Before it happened she said, "This is just sex, and that's exactly what i want."

Famous last words. it lasted 9 (very passionate) days and then they had to go their separate ways. 6 weeks later, she feels heartbroken every single moment and hasn't been able to eat or sleep. The thing is, the desire/attraction was so strong that I'm sure if she had to do it again, even knowing how terrible she'd feel later, she probably still would have the affair. That's the thing about asking advice about these things--I think no matter what advice you get, often the pull is just too strong.

But really it depends on what kind of person you are. I know that i couldn't do it, and I'm glad I know that about myself. When my dh and I separated, I met someone else, slept with him, and instantly fell in love with him, and i'm so relieved it turned into a relationship, because I think it'd have been an emotional disaster for me if it hadn't.

Yes I agree with you re: the pull of something being strong. Thing is it started when I was still with my dh which muddies the whole situation anyway I feel. He was like "I like you but you're married".

I thought I could do it, but I can't and that's where I am right now. But I agree with Xanthipi - I wouldn't have done everything differently. Mine not ended yet - but feeling v unsure because I feel I am about to be rejected!!

How did your situation come about toothfairy (if you don't mind my asking)?

I have a similar weird thing going on but I put that down to my frame of mind! But yes they do end in tears because humans aren't designed for this sort of thing imho.

They can and do work very well. Remember that many love relationships crash and burn fairly quickly, but it's rare to find someone arguing that love relationships are a bad idea because some of them go wrong.
While people can't help having feelings, they can help how they act with regard to their feelings, so if you're going to have some fun with this chap, make a commitment to yourself to behave with dignity, enjoy the ride, and make sure you have other nice stuff going on in your life so you don't get too hung up on The Relationship.

what madamez said.

i think it all depends, too, on what else you've got going on in life.

if you're really off relationships, been married mulitiple times and can't be arsed anymore, have children, a demanding job, etc., this sort of set up can be ideal.

Why the eyeroll moondog?

My two most recent relationships have started out as being entirely sex based and they have gone wrong because the 'type' concerned was unreliable and somewhat mysoginistic (and/or a bigamist or liar). But I'm sure they DO work in other cases.

I've heard that when women have sex they release hormones that emotionally attach them to the Father Potential that they're shagging. This is meant to explain why people get emotionally attached to drunk one-night-stand losers to the bemusement of their mates.

(But that might be rubbish as I can't remember where I heard it )

I'm going to buck the trend and admit that I've done it and it's been OK. More than once. I was friends with the bloke beforehand though in each case, so I wasn't going in with rose-tinted spectacles.
Make very very sure that you're using reliable contraception though!

I am in this kind of relationship right now,have been for about a month,and believe me,you cannot go on without develop any feelings whatsoever for the other person.
This guy does wnat the cuddles after sex,stays the night,we txt eachother about everyday things,the lines are so blurred.
I think we both thought it's be just sex,nothing else.But I am pretty sure that the more you'll see of eachother,the more chance there is for feelings to develop.
I know I'm taking the risk in that I may end up broken hearted,you do if you get involved in a no strings relationship,but life is for living!

sex only relationships can work in the short term, i've done it myself, but they have limited lifespan, as one or the other usually gets more involved

the key is to know when to call it a day beofre that happens

BE CAREFUL. It's not always the woman who ends up developing feelings in relationships such as this. I was involved in what you call a 'sex-only'relationship last year. It was him who started to develop some sort of feelings. I admit that initially his comments and feelings did confuse me initially and make me question how I felt about him. But once I got past that, I knew that all I wanted from him was the sex. He was lovely, very good looking, very attentive, caring, considerate (and financially secure), but as far as I was concerned all I wanted was the sex.
He started making very serious plans for our future and in the end it got a bit scary as he just would not take no for an answer, and I had to end it (which he didnt make easy).

yes i walked away when i felt the other person was developing feelings

I think it depends on what kind of attraction you have between you to start off with.In my case we had fancied eachother somewhat rotten for months and months,I am not talking of sparks here,I am talking major fireworks and then some!!!!
When you both feel like this,it may be harder for both of you not to develop feelings somewhere down the line.
But if you just fancy him a little bit,then maybe it's easier to "stay cool"?(rather than like in my case,when you've been thinking about the other person for over half a year before ending up together!)

I so wish I was qualified to join in this discussion.

I personally couldn't have a 'sex only' relationship with someone without developing feelings. I am always attracted to a mans personality rather than his looks so a one night stand is def a no no for me.

ah well mine werent one night stands, and they were with men i knew already

i didnt want a proper relationship with them but i wanted to have some fun, so it worked

I've had lots of sex-only things And they can work, if both parties are honest and sensible about it.
But the best one was great sex, good fun,but ended up becoming dh! Neither of us intended that, but it kind of just grew and grew!

They usally do for 1 person. Before i was with dp i had a sex only relationship with a guy who couldn't cope when i said it was over, He was ringing me in tears saying he wants to move in with me and settle down.
I felt so bad afterwards because he had always seemed alright with it.