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Original poster

Can this be true?

10 replies

ConfusedHurt · 25/02/2021 18:20

So my boyfriend aged early 50s, who I've been with for over four years, told me recently he's never been in love with me, although cared for me, and he has ended our relationship. I've been his longest relationship ever. I can't get my head around someone staying in a relationship this long and not being in love with experience. Has anyone been through anything similar?

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedHurt · 25/02/2021 18:21

Not "experience". I mean with "other person".

OP posts:
AnaViaSalamanca · 25/02/2021 18:25

I am sorry OP it sounds horrible. But quite common really, maybe an OW and he is rewriting history.

What was your relationship like? Committed? Living together?

DaisyandIvy · 25/02/2021 18:26

I have had that said to me. Transpired he’d met someone else.

Had he told you in those 4 years that he loved you? Did he show you that he did? If he did, then he DID love you and there’s more to this.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 25/02/2021 18:29

It does sound the problem is him, not you. If you were his longest relationship, sounds like commitment issues.

sunnyzweibrucken · 25/02/2021 18:29

i'm not going to lie...i've felt like that before in a relationship. i was with someone for about 4 years that i didn't love. i cared for him but didn't love him. he was good enough for the time being. so yes, it's possible.

Original poster
ConfusedHurt · 25/02/2021 18:30

No, we didn't live together but we were both happy with that setup. No, he never once told me he loved me. When I first told him I loved him after a year he just said he's not great at saying things like that. He wasn't forthcoming with this himself. I had to ask him.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 25/02/2021 18:32

I do think it’s possible tbh.

I also think though that if a 4 year relationship is the longest relationship he’s had when in his 50’s then he possibly has commitment issues.

ravenmum · 25/02/2021 18:55

Doesn't sound that odd to me tbh. People often just let a relationship drag on without being really into the other person.

But odd to actually tell the other person that, unless you are pissed off with them for some reason (e.g. rewriting history, or just massive fallout).

litterbird · 25/02/2021 18:57

If he has never said it to you in 4 years then it is very possible he didn't love you. He was happy just to be 'dating' as such and you were happy to bob along knowing he didn't say it to you. However, love can come in many forms, daily contact, interest in each others lives, funny stories you want to tell each other, you are the first person they want to tell with important news, small unsolicited gifts, future plans etc etc, these are some of the things that love can show itself in rather than saying those 3 little words. He probably has had his head turned and decided to re write your history....classic behaviour when someone does this. Its very very hurtful and I am sorry you are going through this and hope you heal soon.

DaisyandIvy · 25/02/2021 20:10

I find it quite unusual that he never told you he loved you in 4 years and that this was his longest relationship and he’s 50.

Is he passionate about anything, OP?

Could a past hurt be preventing him from committing or loving someone?

Sounds like companionship is where he’s comfortable.

You are loved and you’ll find romantic love again if you want that.

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