What's your limit?

[iknowthatforafact]

Dating...........

How much messing around would you put up with?

I started seeing someone after first lockdown, a few dates but didn't get to the physical side, though the interest was definitely there. However, with lockdown meeting opportunities became non existent, we continued messaging and calling and both confessed we felt a "connection".

Now communication is lacking. He will go several days without replying some weeks, maybe one week in every 2. It's been like this since Christmas. If I mention that I can't be bothered with the wondering what's happened or "ghosting" etc then he bucks his ideas up and makes an effort for a few days. If I ask him if he's got too much on and should I leave him to it he says he still wants me in his life etc. There's never a reason why. He says lockdown is affecting his MH but I do try to support him.

My friends all think I'm crazy and can't understand why I give him so many chances, but when we're not in lockdown he's great and there is definitely something there.

What's the tipping point?

He tilling point? About 8 weeks ago.

We only had a couple of months out of lockdown last year so it isn't long that he was great for.

Release his tether and push him out to sea. The floater.

It doesn't even seem like he is messing you around op, it just seems like he isn't that into you and you are trying to hang on by kidding yourself theres more there than there is.

If a man is interested, you never have to chase.

And the correct amount of being messed around to tolerate -is none.

Who cares if there is 'something there' or not, is your bar that low? 'Oh he might like me'. So what? You arent even an item yet and already he is annoying you and causing you stress. There are literally billions of other men in the world. If it's not as easy as breathing being with one of them, drop him and find another. Or hell, stay single. Life is too short for bs.

I’m not a text person so might leave it a while before texting someone back but from what you’re saying it sounds like indifference. He says what he needs to to keep you as an option. If he was feeling it, you’d be hearing from him.

“Who cares if there is 'something there' or not, is your bar that low? 'Oh he might like me'. So what?”

I do agree with this. It’s almost as though his opinion is the only one that matters...like you’ll be available for him IF he wants you.

In the past I had a casual FWB that made more effort than this guy is.

Don't you think you're worth more than that?

You mention him not replying, so is it always you instigating messages etc? I think I'd step back a bit if so and let him come to you.

Also lockdown is affecting mental health obviously. My partner is away from me for a week at a time and sometimes we only message once a day - quite often in fact. I'd like to have a bit more chat, but would hate forced chat and just let him come to me.

If I were you I'd keep in touch with him if you get along well, and then see what happens with lockdown hopefully easing soon. If he's still a bit crap after he's recovered his mental health (hope he does) then think about whether it's any good?

I suppose what I mean is, if you like him and want to give it a chance, just enjoy the stuff you normally do and try not to focus on this "relationship" - it's been such a short time you actually had to spend getting to know each other, and these are weird times!

Er a long time ago.
He's taking the piss

I wouldn't put up with this. If he really liked and or cared about you he wouldn't be doing this. It sounds like he can't be bothered. There's so many men out there who would treat you better, don't settle for this.

@pictish

I’m not a text person so might leave it a while before texting someone back but from what you’re saying it sounds like indifference. He says what he needs to to keep you as an option. If he was feeling it, you’d be hearing from him.

This is it, exactly. Thank you. I need to keep this in mind

@optimistic40

You mention him not replying, so is it always you instigating messages etc? I think I'd step back a bit if so and let him come to you.

Also lockdown is affecting mental health obviously. My partner is away from me for a week at a time and sometimes we only message once a day - quite often in fact. I'd like to have a bit more chat, but would hate forced chat and just let him come to me.

If I were you I'd keep in touch with him if you get along well, and then see what happens with lockdown hopefully easing soon. If he's still a bit crap after he's recovered his mental health (hope he does) then think about whether it's any good?

I try not to double message. I'm going to step back and see what happens, I expect that will be that.

First lockdown as in last spring? So you didn’t meet in the summer months?

He might be into you, but could also be messaging loads of others. Did you meet online? Does he have DC that has to homeschool? Between that and WFH it’s tough

On second thought why can’t you go for a walk? Why meeting opportunities are non existent?

He's not into you. You're an option.
It's really that simple

If he can't text you during lockdown when there is literally fuck all else to do, then it doesn't fare well for the normal times! Fuck that, in the bin 👋🏼👋🏼 xx

So he's not actually a boyfriend. You are not seeing because of lockdown. It's difficult to maintain conversations when nothings actually going on. Let him float away till restrictions end. Then rekindle. If he's interested he will.