Aibu- dp waking kids up

[Dinosaursobsessedson]

Aibu in asking dp to not go upstairs for half an hour after son has gone up? He thinks im being ridiculous i think hes being a twat
Tonight he went up for a bath woke dc as he was just going off to sleep causing dc to come out of his room saying daddy you woke me up,
This caused dp to shout get in f*cking bed now!!
I had words with dp, he says im disciplining him how i want, your too soft.
I told him i want it calm at night and i hold off going upstairs until I know they’re asleep sorry for the ramble

Is he the father of your children? If not, I really think you should be reconsidering your relationship with him. I know what might sound extreme but to swear at a young child like that is just awful, and if it is in anything other than a one-off it is only going to get worse as your son gets older. If he doesn't like an 8 year old getting out of bed, what is he going to be like dealing with a stroppy teenager?

Yea he is their father for people asking

I think the waking issue is bad, but the way he spoke to his own son is way worse. Poor little boy.

I dont think its unreasonable at all to ask him to stay downstairs for 30 minutes, so your son can fall asleep. Obviously if he desperately has to go upstairs for something he needs (i.e if you only have an upstairs loo, or if he has to go out and his key or phone or whatever is up there) thats different, but in general I dont think its much to ask.

The way he spoke to your son is horrible. Does he speak to you like that ever?

You're focusing on the wrong thing , shouting 'get in fucking bed now ' is abusive.
Is that how he speaks to everyone?

I'd have dropkicked him back down the stairs if he'd have sworn at my dc. Also I don't think your unreasonable asking him not to go upstairs for half an hour whilst dc goes to sleep. He sounds like a selfish prick. Are his parents alive? I'd tell them what he said to dc but only if they'll be suitably appalled. Shame the fucker.

The way he spoke to your child is disgusting and I would be reconsidering my relationship with him on that alone. No adult swears at my kids.

Re going upstairs, I've always avoided going upstairs for a while after they go to bed too as my youngest needs no excuse to get out of bed so 'hearing something' would be a perfect one.

I remember when they were very little, we used to creep to bed so we didn't wake them!

He does swear quite a bit, if i call him on it im being ‘super sensitive’
His parents are not the people to talk to, they Wouldn’t find fault in his behaviour
Thanks for everyone’s comments

Some children wake at anything, some don’t. I had one that would sleep like the dead and one that woke at the slightest noise.

Kids need their kip, he should wait until your boy is deeply asleep, or do what he has to before.

But more importantly the way he is speaking to your son is appalling.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. You need to seriously consider whether this man should actually be in your day to day lives at all. Your so called partner feels absolutely entitled to shout at your son and you're not in your son's eyes doing enough to protect him from his father's shouting. Has he shouted at you similarly as well?. It would not surprise me if he had indeed done this. I note too that you've been accused by him of being "super sensitive"; you are absolutely not. Its usually a trumped up charge abusive people throw out at their chosen targets.

As other people have said, the timing of the bath is less of an issue (though still quite inconsiderate) but the worst part here is shouting “get in fucking bed” at at 8 year old... seriously?! Awful.

I hate that he thinks he can speak to another human, who is no threat, that way.

Disturbing.

Poor kid(s).

Upstairs at that time or not - well if the bath is urgent fine go up, if it can wait half an hour then a little respect for a little boy who sleeps better without disruption then YANBU

Does DP have any interest in family working as a team or is he more important than other humans?

Your poor son. Is your p always a bully?

And yes inwas v upset at him being swore at an also concerned about my other dc being woken too in all the shouting which could have been avoided

So was there more shouting after your p first shouted at your son? How is that 'disciplining' him? Does he shout at you too?

YANBU.

He sounds very nasty and abusive.

Your poor children.

Talk to Women's Aid about your situation to get advice.

He sounds awful.

"You're too sensitive" is what abusive people say when they abuse.

@billy1966 i have told him that about saying im too sensitive and he laughs or says i cant take a joke etc...

Selfish, ignorant, inconsiderate man.
IMO it is perfectly reasonable to allow half an hour for children to get into a deep sleep before making a noise/disturbance. I always ensured a bit of peace and quiet at bed time to allow mine to settle. Once they were fast asleep normal noise levels were fine.
Does he treat you with such disrespect?

Obviously the way he spoke to your son was terrible but at 8 I think you shouldn't have to tip toe around the house either and you should be able to go upstairs

*the sleep thing and how he spoke to the child are 2 different issues imo

Bet he doesn't talk to other men like that , he saves that for sleepy 8 year olds with additional needs.
He's teaching your son what a man is you know.
I know it's not what you're asking but I just can't get past it.
I think you've been conditioned to think this is okay.

[quote Dinosaursobsessedson]@billy1966 i have told him that about saying im too sensitive and he laughs or says i cant take a joke etc...[/quote]
He's a nasty loser.

Don't listen to him.

He is abusive.

He is a terrible excuse and example of a man.

Reach out for support from family, friends, and Women's Aid.

Protect yourself.

People seem to be missing the point that he went upstairs to run a bath. That’s inconsiderate when a someone is just dropping off to sleep.
He doesn’t have to tiptoe around the house all evening, just not do something really noisy right then.

The swearing is disgusting