Ways of catching out covert narc?

[ExposingCreep]

Hi there, since Monday's briefing it has occurred to me that a certain overbearing 'friend', who I believe to be a narcissist, might suggest meeting up next month once it becomes legal. (See my other threads on this username for more info.)

Although not ideal, if I tell him politely but firmly that I have no wish to meet up for at least a few weeks, he might possibly respond in a way that reveals his true colours, which I can send to those who think he is a good guy.

Alternatively, I could arrange an outdoor meeting in a safe place, and then be very indifferent and/or annoying, possibly also arranging for a certain friend he doesn't know, but knows about him, to turn up at some point.

Can anyone give me ideas about to put off meeting him, without making it too obvious that I don't really like him and/or am on to him? (Failing this, any specific tips for annoying him face to face?)

I don’t think whatever you exposed would make any difference to the mutual friends. They have their own relationship with him. I don’t get what you’re doing or why you would do it.

My original thread on this from last year: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4036041-Ideas-for-dealing-with-covert-narcissist

So this has been going on for a long, long time and it's only you who seems to have this issue.

Nothing suggests that this person is narcissistic. If anything it seems like he might see you as a friend, probably closer than the mutual friends. Or maybe he enjoys the conversations with you. Even if only minimal.

It seems like you want to expose this person for how you see them, so that your mutual friends drop him too. Allowing you to block him without losing your other friends.

@TheChip Quite a few people on the original thread felt otherwise.

Not a lot on the original thread here.

You obviously don't like this person. You don't want to be in contact with this person. So why keep doing it? Just pretend you're too busy or whatever if you don't want to say it outright.

So much angst and drama over someone you obviously dislike.

Is it possible you're over thinking things? If he makes you feel shit, grey rock him or cut him out of your life. Trying to expose someone never works in the way you hope it would.

You sound v paranoid and anxious - like you are unable to calmly, confidently and appropriately assert yourself.

Your OP was triggered by the WORRY that someone may contact you to meet post lockdown - you don’t want to meet but seem unable to say “No” and because of this you have got yourself into some weird manipulative situation where you want to punish, expose, humiliate this person publicly amongst your mutual friends.

On you last thread you were advised to withdraw and “grey rock” - you said it had worked? What’s the issue now? Are you missing the drama? Just keep it up...?

Your last post from your last thread - has anything actually happened since Nov?

“Update

I've followed some of the advice given on this thread, and thankfully the ratio of texts has died down slightly. I am still however recieving them now and again, even when I don't reply, and I recieved another one yesterday.

I spoke to one of our mutual friends a few weeks back and he said that he hardly ever recieves a text from him. I can't help but feel that if he was merely lonely/bored, he would be texting the few other friends he has pretty frequently as well. I get the increasing feeling that the penny has begun to drop, but he doesn't like it.”

There’s nothing in that thread to say this is nothing more than someone who is socially awkward trying to be friendly,

Your post here is really disturbing, it’s so manipulative and quite malicious. It’s actually made me really uncomfortable. You actually come across as obsessed with this man.

If you were to share your conversations with this person with a mutual friend, alongside this very thread. Which one do you think would raise an eyebrow - the conversation, or this thread?

Why don’t you just quietly withdraw from this friend and let others make up their own minds about him?
Trying to trick someone into behaving in a way just so you can say ‘told you so’ is weird .

I’ve read all your previous threads and there is nothing there to suggest this man is a narcissist. So he’s pompous and shallow, so are a lot of people? He asked you to meet in lockdown, presumably you declined. He isn’t the only one flouting the rules. You stopped replying and he didn’t text you for a fortnight. What exactly has he done? He sounds like someone who is possibly a bit annoying that you don’t like, so just don’t talk to him? Unless there is a MASSIVE drip feed coming, you sound obsessed with this man and like you want to manipulate him and turn people against him which is the kind of behaviour you’d expect in a playground, not from an adult.

I have been on your last thread OP and I thought you had made progress then so I'm surprised you are still posting about trying to expose them all these months later.

Narcissists, if they are one, are a real drain to others, so just disengage from them. There is nothing to be gained by having conversations with them especially since you don't like them.

In the kindest way, don't you have anything better to think about? This is bonkers. You don't like him. Keep your distance. Your other friends will like you or not like you. It's disturbing that you want to trap and expose someone for wanting to walk outside.

Agree, just leave this man alone now op. When you stopped responding he stopped texting you. Now you’re obsessing about he might contact you and how you can lure him to behave badly then let others see.

Leave him alone now. Ok.

Has he a diagnosed personality disorder or are you some kind of 'vampire/ narcissist hunter? It sounds as if you are encouraging him to behave in a certain way for your own ends. All normal people have elements of narcissism. We need it to thrive. The following extract is from Psychology Today,
Freud noted that a certain amount of self-focus and self-regard is essential to developing a healthy ego structure. Healthy narcissism enables us to have the confidence and self-investment to succeed. Due to their reported high self-esteem, research shows that narcissists maintain a sense of well-being with low levels of depressionon^, anxietyty^, and lonelinessss^.*
Like others, I wonder at your motivation, OP