Please help

[93sdb]

(This is below too but it wasn't titled) Ive been with my partner for 2+ years. We have just bought a house together and are currently renovating it.

95% of the time I couldn't wish for a better partner. He loves me and my son. Makes me laugh constantly, is on my side and wants the best for me and wants us to grow old together.. its the arguments I can't handle.

We could turn an argument about whether the sky is blue into a make or break situation. He becomes cold, distant and tells me he is not interested in what i have to say and I get so worked up I question whether I want to be with him and tell him as much. When i get worked up he tells me I have done this to myself and won't take any accountability for his part in it. I know I should not do this but I say it in desperation of not being listened to.

We had an argument like this last night.. literally over the tea I cooked (please also be aware we never ever argue infront of my son). Went through the motions of being ignored when I brought up what had upset me, me getting more upset and telling him that his reaction is childish and I don't see the point if he won't listen to me. We ended up ending the argument. Nothing changed. He was still mad and I cried but we said we would move on from it. I sent him a long text saying I am sorry for my part in it and we need to find a better way to communicate and he just said OK, no worries. Probably cause he is bored of this happening as am I. He's probably sulking.

So where do we go from here? I don't want to be in a relationship where if we have an issue it is just swept under the rug and I'm sure he doesn't want a relationship with someone crying and saying there's no point when we argue. I think we need to talk about whats gone on so we can work through it together but he has no interest in doing this. I love him and as I said 95% of the time its perfect but I have PBD and if I don't feel listened to i work myself up beyond a reasonable point and I've seen many professionals about this but i can't seem to see it until I've already done it. But on the other side he never wants to hear my side on it.

Anyone else been here? Please help. I don't want to lose us but I don't want it to continue as it is.
OP’s posts: See all

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Its not you, its him. This is who he is and he is not going to change for you or for anyone else. He does this as well because he can and it works for him. He therefore has no interest in working with you or to discuss this in counselling. It gives him power and control which is what this is really all about, it's is NOT about communication or a perceived lack of. He is really acting in the same ways as abusive people do; they also refuse to apologise and or take any responsibility for their actions. Its always someone else's fault you see, never their own.

What is PBD, did you mean to type PND?. If not receiving any treatment you should be; this sort of rubbish behaviour from your man is more than enough to make underlying post natal depression worse.

I would also like to know how you at all arrived at 95% perfect when it seems to be nowhere near that figure at all. He may make you laugh but then again so do comedians on the telly. He is only on his own side when it comes to arguments. He still treats you like shit in those that he likely himself starts and or otherwise engineers to bring you to boiling point. At the very least stop apologising by sending him text messages afterwards; continue to go about your day. Again he sends you no such apology.

You state "my son" so is this man your son's father?. What do you want to teach your son about relationships and what is he learning here. The fact your son is not in the same room is immaterial; he will pick up on all the vibes both spoken and unspoken between you and this man. Sound also travels, he has likely heard and seen far more here than you perhaps realise.

You state you do not want to lose "us" but there is no "us" in your relationship with this man. His priority seems to be he and he alone.