Intrusive thoughts during sex

[Pantana90]

Hi guys, I'm a man aged 32 and I have for many years had problelms with intrusive and bad thoughts.

Lately I've been feeling very guilty lately. When being intimate with my partner I am always in the moment, but the past two times random people have been popping into my mind. I want to make it clear that it's not because I "need" the stimulation, I don't want to have the thoughts at all! It just pops in for a second.

I'm just worried this will make me not want to have sex. I was always happy to be fully focused on my partner during sex and I love her very much. We've been together five years and I want to be with her forever.

This has also disrupted my sleeping (guilt does this to me) and I obsess over the thoughts. Am I a bad person and does anyone have any advice?

FYI I am always open and honest with her and told her about this (as I do everything). She wasn't upset and said it's common in men. She's very understanding after years of my anxiety 🤣

Sounds like your partner has answered the worry perfectly

@Pantana90 I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and the way you’re describing your anxieties sounds very much like OCD type of behaviour. Do you struggle in other areas of your daily life?

I get this sometimes where a particular distressing news item suddenly pops up as if to deliberately put me off. I can still remember a couple of news items from 10 years ago. I also get them when I'm trying to have a lovely time like on my birthday or catching up with someone close to me. They're always things I really want to forget, but along they pop, almost like someone horrible making me think about them :-(

Go to your GP you need specialist help.

You need to learn to float the thoughts. Recognise them, accept that they are there and that you don't actually want the thought and then let it pass and be dismissed.

Once you stop giving the thoughts power (asking if you actually want that, questioning what it means etc) they're easier to handle.

Sometimes our brains are weird and they shoot random crap at us.

And yes this sounds a lot like my OCD experience too.

That sounds like classic thought based OCD tendencies, fuelled by anxiety mixed with the desire to be a good person.

If it's on the milder end, have a look at CBT therapies, maybe books about it too. When the thoughts come up, try to push your mind elsewhere, gently. Accept and be ok with the fact that it might take a few weeks or months to get better, but feel confident that it will.