Sex issue

[beachcitygirl]

I am in a relatively new relationship with the nicest kindest most loving man I've ever known. I left an unkind man 5 years ago and I And my dd have never felt safer or more loved. He would literally die for me.
The problem. He isn't able to have sex. He has tried everything, viagra, counselling, testosterone Medicine etc we have tried just being intimate without sex but he can no longer even get an erection. Probably partly the initial issue and now the fear of not performing. It has become so upsetting to us both that we no longer try.
I have never felt so sad or rejected and I have put on weight & I feel like I have lost a bit of me. I was always v sexual and flirty and that has gone completely.
He is faithful and affectionate & romantic and is trying. In the last 5 years though we have literally had sex a handful of times. I am trying to come to terms that I heave to come to terms with never having sex again (I'm in late 40's and he is 65 (very vibrant & still sexy and attractive & successful guy)
I have to choose between a sexless life or leaving the love of my life. I am utterly devastated and lost. Just need a hand hold/and/or advice
Thanks in advance

You say it's a relatively new relationship...and then you say 5 years. Five years isn't that new surely...

You also mention having only left the shit guy five years back. Did you jump straight from one relationship into another without being single for a while?

At 65 I'm not particularly surprised he cant have sex often. You however, arent even 50 yet. Have you considered that you'll end up as caregiver, not partner sooner rather than later with this age difference?

Do you struggle with being single?

Well if he’s tried viagra and testosterone and (assuming) he’s not ever getting spontaneous erections, then there’s got to be something “mechanical” that’s causing this.

Has he talked to his GP? There are surgical interventions which would at least get it up for him. I’m assuming he doesn’t want this to be the end of his sex life?

He he has desire and wants to try, why can’t he just use his tongue, fingers, toys on you. It might not work much for him but it is still intimate and loving and would get you off. Or are you saying he lacks desire too.

OP, what happens when you pop him in your mouth?

@Wanderlusto nope I don't struggle with being single. I was away from my ex for over a year. Been with New partner 3 years (typo)
No I don't think I'll be a caregiver. He's vibrant and very much alive and well.

Yes he is willing to do anything and yes feels desire. It's just we both get upset when he doesn't get an erection it's becoming very upsetting & frustrating. He's loving and affectionate.

What does the GP say?

Gp has upped the testosterone and seems to have an "well you're old" attitude gp early 40's woman.

I think your options are to leave him, or to explore different kinds of sex. He can get you off in non-penetrative ways, or he can use one of the many many toys on the market to penetrate you.

Oh dear, that does sound very good.
Couple of thing to think about would be enlarged prostate (blood test is available now ), diabetes, or heart issues or high cholesterol levels

Viagra doesn’t work for all men, other medications are available but are prescription only, also try another GP, sounds like you’re being fobbed off a bit to be honest as some gps will see this as non issue

www.nhs.uk/conditions/erection-problems-erectile-dysfunction/

In the short term as others suggest maybe he could wear some kind of strap on ?

@StarlightLady I reckon a phrase like that would kill anyone’s erection

No I don't think I'll be a caregiver. He's vibrant and very much alive and well.

@beachcitygirl This can change at any time. For instance a cancer diagnosis.

Does he have the energy levels to manage even much non-penetrative sex? I ask this as my last ex didn't. Even his wrists would get tired. So I know it's possible for that to happen. And if you like PIV it's still a disappointment not to have it.

You don't say that he's tried a pump? I think a medical grade one is better than the ones on sex toy sites. His GP could refer him to a urologist for one.

A strap on is a good suggestion. Some exes and I had a black one. It didn't have a realistic look. I actually thought it looked better than a penis. You can also get some that are hollow and vibrate, so they also feel good for him.