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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

think dh spending on something dodgy or illegal, how to trace bank transfer

49 replies

mrsdoubtful · 23/02/2021 15:51

Hello, I am new, joined this forum for advice, sorry if not in the right section. Also sorry it's long!
(this post might look familiar, I’m posting in a few forums around the internet to try and get advice).

I’ve discovered by chance husband has re-activated old abandoned bank account.
(we switched to an offset mortgage account about 20 years ago because of his overspending on general stuff like clothes etc. for himself, we never bothered to close the old account). It is a joint account in both our names, but he obviously assumes I won’t look at it these days.

He definitely has a Revolut account. Told me this voluntarily a couple of years ago, and said it was because you can use it on holidays abroad without bothering about exchange rate etc. That in itself is fine, I thought nothing of it at first.

There are regular cash (transfer) payments to Revolut from our main joint bank account: I have asked about this and he has said it’s for work accommodation/food.(he gets an allowance in his wages for this) The payments are regularly c£200 during working weeks, but many of these have been during furlough.

He then moves that money from Revolut into the previously abandoned bank account.

He then makes payments from this old bank account to an unknown account as a bank transfer: This is the thing I need help with, I need to find out where it is going/who’s account it is? Sometimes he has paid into the old bank account from Revolut, sometimes cash. (Seems to be in a rush/panic because sometimes has taken money out before deposit cleared) the amounts vary, they’ve been, for example, 10 p (which I guess is a tester amount to make sure it worked?) then things like £5, £105, £300, £200, £120, £50, £20 – it varies like that. All these were during furlough so definitely nothing to do with work expenses. Also, it is definitely him doing this rather than an online fraudster because some of the amounts have been paid into a branch counter in person. Also because he has deliberately ordered a new card etc which has come to our home.
I’ve googled the transfer number and got nowhere: however, I think the first 6 numbers are a sort code and the number matches ‘Revolut England and Wales’. So he has funnelled money from our main account, to an old abandoned account, to his Revolut, to another Revolut? (unless he’s gone mad and is moving it around and back to himself again which would be pointless, but you never know!) I’ve discovered that with Revolut you can have one-off disposable ‘virtual’ cards on your account.

So, assuming from all this secret shuffling that it’s something he never wants me to find out (or he’d just use our normal account) : He has history of drugs (recreational, not recently, years ago before we were together as far as I know) and porn (ongoing): could he be paying someone for something like this? Surely you would just pay cash in person? unless online stuff like webcam etc., or even he could have graduated to paying for sex in person? I’d be really grateful for any tips or advice how to find out more about this: I’m pretty good at google, but I’ve run out of questions to ask it! (I’ve not mentioned gambling as a possibility because I’ve never known him show any interest in that, although at this point, it could be anything).

Also, ApplePay: looking through our joint credit card statements, I’ve also noticed many Apple Pay payments. How can I find out more about them? If the ApplePay payments are also going to his Revolut account, then it takes the spending into a whole new realm: talking hundreds/thousands. How can I find out?

Also there are loads of payments to Etsy: I’ve never used Etsy and I am certain he hasn’t, he wouldn’t be buying homemade teacosy or whatever, does Etsy sell porn or drugs on the sly?

How can I trace the bank transfer from our old bank account to whoever it is? (I would be legally entitled as the old account is in both our names!) If I go into a branch will they tell me? As I’m joint account holder, even though it was him making these transactions?

If you’re thinking ‘just ask him’, that would be pointless: He has a long previous history of lying, emotional abuse, passive aggressive behaviour. Better that I try to find out as much as possible myself first. Can private detectives do stuff like this? Or forensic accountants?
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2021 17:53

FGS, why are you even with this man? How much shit are you willing to take?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2021 17:54

Perhaps he has a child you know nothing about.

crosshatching · 23/02/2021 18:06

I know, it'll be Not On the High Street next!

I'm sorry op this sounds dodgy as, like the others say if your name's on the account you should be able to find out the transactions. Good luck.

NoMackerelInSwindon · 23/02/2021 18:39

Chaturbate
Live Jasmin
Only Fans

MrsRockAndRoll · 24/02/2021 21:00

If he has a history why do you feel the need to investigate? Are you prepared to walk away?

NotSeenBulling · 24/02/2021 21:55

I would have the need to investigate. Especially if he is syphoning money off for reasons that would help me get a divorce.

Could he be embezzling money from his job OP?

Cockenspiel · 24/02/2021 22:28

Two ideas spring to mind:

  • if someone (he?) is paying in random sums of counter cash at the bank then that suggests he is being paid for something? Could he be drug dealing? Does he have time to do that around his job or free time where you’d not notice?
  • if he accessing the internet at home using WiFi then you can login to your router and access a log of all sites visited by any devices which are connected to the WiFi. You will need to know his MAC address (the ID number of his device basically) and you will probably have a a number of devices connected, so it’s a process of elimination. Once you’ve worked out which is his, you can make a note of his ID and watch the router ‘logs’ and wait..
Wanderlusto · 24/02/2021 22:36

My first instinct was - cam girls.

CockneyCutie · 24/02/2021 23:07

Etsy!!!😳
The last thing I bought on there was a ‘tiny Teddy’ to be ‘adopted’ by a new baby my SIL had at Christmas.
It was a cute little Teddy... should I have checked it for drugs?

Laughed out loud at the Pablo Escobar comment😆

Wishing you well, op ... and as other pp say - get rid of him! Sending you 💐

mrsdoubtful · 24/02/2021 23:41

Sorry for being so long to reply, can't get onto MN all the time because of other stuff. Thanks for all your ideas, loving the 'get rid of Pablo Escobar' comment😀. Of course it would be ideal to leave but it's not straightforward.

I can't get into his phone, I can't see the revolut app, that's not joint but the old account and the current account are.

The Etsy thing is mind-blowing!

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 25/02/2021 00:34

I think the only thing you know for sure op is that you don't really know the man you are living with.

It's a huge shock to find out someone you live with is a liar and a deciever.
So it's either for monetary or sexual reasons, both are bad, you obviously need to investigate.
I honestly don't know what you can do other than a key logger on his computer, getting in his phone, or a PI to do some checks on him.

First get a credit check on him, clear score or something.
Good luck.

I hate devious bastards.

Flowers
SeasonsInTheAbyss · 25/02/2021 01:11

You can do a Subject Access Request on bank accounts held in your name. I wonder if that would shed any light. I hope you find out what it is!

SugarfreeBlitz · 25/02/2021 01:26

The Etsy thing is mind-blowing! Shock

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/02/2021 01:30

If you’re thinking ‘just ask him’, that would be pointless: He has a long previous history of lying, emotional abuse, passive aggressive behaviour.

Well it won't be anything good, now, will it? Why is it hard to leave? And if it's impossible, why look for the information?

DianaT1969 · 25/02/2021 01:39

I'm wondering if there are people who bought expensive bath salts on Etsy and wondered why they didn't smell nice in the bath.

TheTeenageYears · 25/02/2021 02:42

The (old) joint account you can speak to the bank about any transactions coming in or out. I don't know at this stage how much detail you would want to go into with them in case there is illegal activity and your name is on the account. Might have to make a start, see where any conversations lead and decide how much to disclose.

I'm pretty sure that you can't hold 2 Revolut accounts. ID has to be verified and from personal experience of opening an account in the U.K. and trying to then change to it to another country I just don't think 2 accounts without one being based on fake ID is possible however given everything else that's not beyond the realms of possibility. You can log into a Revolut account from a computer but would need to know the telephone number the account is registered to plus the four digit pin on the account and it sends a notification to the authorised phone to authenticate so presume that's not an option. Revolut comes with a physical and virtual debit card.

If the credit card account is in joint names again you should be able to call the CC company and ask about any transactions. I've just checked my credit card statement and can't find a single transaction in a two month period which says Applepay even though my CC is in my Apple wallet and I will have used Applepay rather than my physical credit card for at least some of those transactions. I do however have quite a few PayPal transactions which say PayPal but then say which company the money went to. It could be that my CC company details transactions differently but definitely worth checking with yours over anything which just says Applepay.

It does seem as though there is something dodgy going on here and once you have exhausted enquires on anything joint I would probably try and take your name off those accounts to avoid any personal liability. Also, do whatever you can as quickly as possible to avoid being held accountable for whatever this might be.

gutful · 25/02/2021 02:50

You know this is deceitful & dodgy.

Whatever it is it’s behind your back & cant be good.

I would be making quiet plans to leave while trying to find as much financial records as possible.

You’re never going to get a straight answer out of him or this money back

Just make plans go get out, this person is not to be trusted.

AngusThermopyle · 25/02/2021 08:14

Could he be buying sex toys on Etsy for himself or to send to someone else?.
It's not well known but I know it's a thing.

Keratinsmooth · 25/02/2021 09:22

I would get as much info as possible, get copies of everything, then close the old joint account, transfer funds back into your main joint account. Play dumb, say you thought it left open in error and watch his reaction.

SoulofanAggron · 25/02/2021 09:58

If you’re thinking ‘just ask him’, that would be pointless: He has a long previous history of lying, emotional abuse, passive aggressive behaviour.

@mrsdoubtful This is enough to bin in and of itself.

NotAgainNoMore · 25/02/2021 16:50

You shouldn't have any problem accessing the joint accounts - contact the bank - first place I'd start. See what 'leads' you can get from that.
You could go a step further and report it as 'fraud' to your bank. Play dumb, 'no, it can't possibly be my DH'. They will freeze the accounts and investigate - would love to see his face for that one!
Personally, my money is on a secret child and the Etsy is for gifts to him/her.
I hope you get to the bottom of it and please keep us updated!

NotAgainNoMore · 25/02/2021 17:00

Surely it wouldn't raise to much suspicion that you're onto him by asking him outright why he's still taking money out of the joint account when he hasn't had any accomodation expenses?

SoulofanAggron · 25/02/2021 20:53

Surely it wouldn't raise to much suspicion that you're onto him by asking him outright why he's still taking money out of the joint account when he hasn't had any accomodation expenses?

@NotAgainNoMore He'd just make some shit up, wouldn't he?

mrsdoubtful · 03/03/2021 19:13

thank you all again for your responses, i've had some good advice and ideas from you. Flowers

i can't get onto mn every day so am reading in chunks, haven't abandoned the thread at all.

those saying give up, leave etc: of course i agree, but i feel like i need some hard evidence in case he turns my adult kids against me somehow (he is very good at playing the victim)

i've read here many times 'you don't need a reason to leave' and i totally agree, but while i don't care what the world at large thinks, i DO care what my kids think of me, iyswim.

i'm going to try some of your suggestions to see if it brings me any further along towards knowing what the hell this is! so thank you.

any other ideas still gratefully received!

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