MIL and her comments.

[Mamabear1x]

MIL is always putting me down, well yesterday I’d had enough. She claims my OH does everything (he does fuck all in reality) and I do nothing compared to him and she kept calling me a stay at home mum. He works (but only after a 4 year break of sitting on his arse). Apparently me cleaning, cooking, doing the school run and doing everything with DC (even before he was working) isn’t enough.

OH was telling his mother I haven’t stopped ‘nagging’ him apparently (he had 2 weeks off and did nothing but make mess). I said hang on a minute I’ve cleaned, cooked and looked after the DC practically on my own. I said ‘oh hurry back up to work’ and MIL gave me the dirtiest look and sad ‘oi, that’s my son don’t speak to him like that in front of me’ I told her he lies to people about how much he does and that if she carries on making little comments he can move back in with her. She’s made comments in the past about me not being ‘domesticated’ etc .

Like mother, like son. Both appear to be as bad as one another.

Re your partner what do you get out of the relationship with this man?. I'd be sending him packing back to his mother; neither he or his mother appear to be of any real use or ornament. They both sound utterly dreadful and she in particularly brings nothing positive into your life. You need radiators, not people who drain you.

All sounds very toxic to me, hardly happy family times.

Ah god Iv had a mother in law like this she bullied me for years and years . Have ended all contact with her and so has my partner . I have said to him if they make up I do not want to be involved . I'd tell her not to come round any more and let your husband to your children to see her considering he does everything else 😴. He will soon get fed up of going to her house all the time and then maybe his dick the of a mother will realise he does in fact do fuck all

If you don't have a job then she is correct you are a SAHM but wrong to use it as an insult
Do you Oh was not working for years due to laziness , does not help with the house or kids and lies to his mum to cause more resentment... so what is good about this relationship?

If it were just that he didn't stand up for you to her than that would have been reason enough to send him packing.

But what he actually does is worse. He sets you up to be bullied by her. Sounds like he also bullies you too.

Get rid. Let his mother have him. When did your self esteem become so low that you decided to hold on to a man who lies and manipulates you sitiations to cause you pain. Who views you with contempt just like his nasty mother. Because they are both disordered.

*manipulates situations

First of all well done in standing up for yourself.
Secondly- this doesn’t sound like a happy way to live. He sounds lazy and she sounds like a nightmare. I’d tell them both to sod off !

She hasn’t been happy since I’d said I had a few job interviews. I think it’s because she can’t use the ‘he works’ card if I also have a job.

Yes he’s shit, the relationship has been rocky for a whole and I have asked him to go to his moms as I can’t do it anymore.

Tell him to pack his bags and leave to go back to his oh so loving mother. She can pick up after him and mollycoddle him.

Sorry - I'm just after seeing that you've asked him to go this his mother's as you can't do it anymore. I wouldn't have been asking I'd be telling him.

He's lazy and unappreciative and doesn't stand up for you when his mother speaks poorly of you so that is your answer.

There will be someone out there that does appreciate you and all that you do and will be there to stand up for you, but I seriously doubt that it's this lazyarse!

Its rocky because he is a nasty wanker just like his mum.

Be prepared for him to use his mum to manipulate you now by telling you you are the bad guy for kicking out her little darling.

But you're doing the right thing. Dont be manipulated into loving a miserable life with these two toxic people. Choose you.

Tell them both to jog on!
You dont even have to be nice to her anymore as theres no reason for her to come round your house if he isnt there! (The kids can visit them at hers). Happy days!

You have DH problem here. And unfortunately, his mummy is telling him that he's always right and you're mean and all the rest so of course, the chances of anything ever changing are slight.

I have my issues with MIL but I have to giver her credit - she told DH when we got married that her default position was going to be to take my side from now on because she loves him and thinks he's fantastic but women tend to carry the load! And she's always very understanding and respectful of my time/energy etc and fully aware and appreciative of my role in the family.

Domesticated?! Good on you to stand up to her! (I wouldn't have been able to keep my cool and would have shown her where the door is at that exact moment, ffs, in your own home!)

Dear OP, why would you choose to be with a man like that? He takes after her and will probably never see or value you the way a partner should be valued.

Your kids will no longer have to see what a bad role model he is and will grow up with a healthier image of family life. You all will thrive without both of those miserable beings.

Take care!

@Mamabear1x

Yes he’s shit, the relationship has been rocky for a whole and I have asked him to go to his moms as I can’t do it anymore.

I'm sorry you've had to live with this, but glad that you've asked him to go. But maybe stop asking and start telling? You deserve more.

After asking and then telling him to leave, he refused so I am currently at my mums with the kids as he says he pays the rent so the house is his (although I did for 4 years). I couldn’t be bothered for more hassle and told him he’s welcome to the house with a thousand problems. He’s tried to contact me numerous times but I’ve ignored.

Well done op. When you say rent I presume you're renting? In which case get your name off the tenancy and move in with your life. Oh and as he's working go through cms for child maintenance

Well done op! Is it his name on the tenancy?

I'm so pleased to read you didn't stand for that abuse a second longer, Mamabear1x! How are you doing in the midst of all his messages? Are the children coping okay with the new situation?

Glad you could go to your mum's, how does she see things at the moment? Is she up to date of what was going on? I hope he stops being a pest, ignore ignore ignore... You're doing awesome.

And yes, if you don't want to stay in the house, take steps to ensure your name is taken off the tenancy. You are in charge now.

Well done op!

Glad you got out op- its good you had somewhere to go

Wow OP! Proud of you

Good for you op!!

Well done!
I hope you'll be able to go back and get whatever documents/possessions you want to get and whatever the kids want too, without him kicking off.
I'd recommend bringing a friend or family member with you when you do go back as he's likely to say "You can't take that" or "That's mine" if you try and take things that you want.

Wishing you all the best with whatever you are intending to do next. (I realise that what I've just said is very un-Mumsnetty but sometimes a bit of encouragement goes a long way).

She can have him back then can't she and they can live happily ever after.

Mums very supportive and knows everything! Currently searching for somewhere new to rent, mum and dad are helping with the deposit!

Blocked him on everything and have told mum to message and say contact for the children is done through her.