Advice after emotionally abusive relationship please?

[February9]

I am hoping for some advice.

Was seeing a guy in September 2020 to January 2021. He pushed for a relationship and commitment. I wanted a casual thing but gave it a chance after 7 years of being single. Found out a month into it he had gone to prison (found an article online). We talked and i gave him a chance. I ignored all red flags stupidly as had fallen for him. He deleted girls numbers from his phone infront of me (I did not delete guys numbers). Found this odd, he started to say he wanted a future with me and wanted to make me his wife etc etc. During relationship he snapped at me for no reason, stormed off and packed stuff when staying with me and would then come back and apologise acknowledging anger issues . Made me feel guilty, told me I was a miserable black hole, switched off his phone on his bday and didn’t bother coming down from Blackpool because I didn’t wish him a happy birthday. I woke up late and waited for him but he didn’t show up, told me I ruined his birthday. He wanted to share me with other men. I fell pregnant. He walked out after coming to see me because I was nagging him and reminded him of his mother whom he hates.Contacted Clares law because was scared and alone. Despite him telling me he loved me . Found out he breached license. Following week he kept contacting me. Sent me abusive messages, I didn’t engage and asked that he leave me alone. He sent me more, told me he’d cheated he didn’t love me etc. Then when I called he said promise you haven’t called police (I didn’t). Then kept apologising sending me messages saying he didn’t cheat and sorry he reacted like that . I blocked him on everything and then received over 100 calls the next day from unknown number. Voice messages, emails and the day after. He wanted to talk and said he was being taken back which I believe is the case. He didn’t want to go back in thinking about me and kept talking about baby (baby is no more) :( .

I’m on a no contact list if he is inside again so he cannot contact me. I’m just concerned what happens when he comes out - I have no idea how long he has been recalled for but previous crime was stalking/harassment and revenge porn.

I don’t know if he will try to contact again. Any advice?

I'm sorry your going through this awful situation! Will you be notified upon his release? I would seek legal advice x

Thank you. I have a good support network but still feel lonely. I live alone in my flat and he obviously has address. No, they won’t be able to tell me. I’m hoping he will just forget this and move on.

Might be wise to move op. Get a fresh start somewhere else.

Tou should also report his harassment to the police, even if it just means that they will be able to start a file and perhaps, let you know when he is getting out. They really need to be informed that you are worried he may come after you.

Usually these sort only drop one victim when they find another. Or when the law pulls them up on it. As he has been taken back in a reason that isnt you (? I'm not to clear why) he may come after you when out again.

Take no chances. Police, and move house. Ideally move town.

Hi,
Thank you. Yes I reported already and on file but didn’t want to pursue as he is back in. Breaching terms of license . I only just bought my flat. Not sure if they can tell me when he is out.

If in doubt, ask. You can also change your mind about pursuing things with them if you wish. Often, showing his sort that you will take police action when necessary is one of the only ways to scare them off.

Do you know roughly how long he will be in for?

Maybe the flat up a bit (add value) and put it straight back up for sale. It's an inconvenience to move again I'm sure but, would you ever really feel safe when he gets back out, knowing he knows where you live?

Take the opportunity whilst he is in to safeguard yourself as much as possible. Whatever it takes.

And definately speak to the police about being at risk so needing to know when he will be out.

*maybe fix the flat up a bit

Hi,

Thank you so much. I asked but they couldn’t tell me. I should let it go now however I’m hoping he has to serve the remainder of the term of his license. I’m not sure the kind of recall he has been given.

I have blocked him and changed my numbers . I don’t think he’d ever come to my flat as he is based in Lancashire so wouldn’t risk going back.

I’ll consider the move. Meanwhile, as I reported harassment, there is a case in file with Lancashire so if ever he attempts contact, it’ll be straight back to police.

I’m no longer in pregnant so I can’t see why he’d want to reach out again.

Hopefully he wont want to come back to the area.

Could you get one of those camera doorbells? And make sure you have the best door locks.

Maybe even mention to your neighbours if they seem nice enough...dunno though...they might be gossipy dicks xD

Ha!

I live in the top floor and have told them. They’re cool :)