Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

OLD - why am I not getting any matches?

21 replies

Swipeleftagain · 22/02/2021 21:31

I’m no stunner but I look ok although I’m not your average tall slim blonde. My profile is interesting (I think) and I don’t have pics with filters or try and get men to follow my social media. I just don’t understand why I am getting so few matches. It’s so disheartening 🙁

OP posts:

Eesha · 22/02/2021 21:42

Is it matches or likes? Could you get someone to review your profile etc? I think it's a bit of a numbers game. Join the dating threads on here for negotiating round the perils of OLD. I would say I'm decent looking but have nil luck!!

LooksLively · 22/02/2021 21:50

Which app are you using op?

I found that I wasn’t cut out for online dating. It took up too much time and mental energy. In the end I used to just sign up to Bumble or Tinder for 24 hours then pay for 24 hours so I could see who had liked me. I would then match with the ones I liked. The important thing is to remember to cancel your subscription straight away or it takes payment every 24 hours. Not sure if that would work for you?

Paintedglass · 22/02/2021 21:57

How old are you OP?

Happycat1212 · 22/02/2021 21:59

You don’t have to be tall and slim and blonde to get matches 🙄 I think maybe it’s something you are doing then as even when I joined tinder with no pic I was still getting loads of matches, more than I expected and I didn’t have anything special on my profile either just basic details

Whyistheteacold · 22/02/2021 21:59

Impossible to say without knowing what you have written on your profile, op.

BlueDaysTillChristmas · 22/02/2021 21:59

If you join Reddit, then go on the subreddit for pof (or whatever), they will tell you how to get your profile a bit sharper.

There are also dating over thirty/forty/fifty subs that will do the same.

Original poster

Swipeleftagain · 22/02/2021 22:21

I’m late 40s and I’m on Tinder, Bumble, Eharmony, Hinge and Facebook.

My bio varies according to the site formats but is along the lines of:

40 something, fun, friendly and creative. Happy with my life - great friends and a successful career - but I sometime miss someone to share it with. I enjoy x, y and z hobbies/interests

I can’t see what’s wrong with that so am assuming it’s my photos hence the talk/slim/blonde comment.

OP posts:

HairyArsedMan · 22/02/2021 22:21

My ex- had a nosey with a blank profile and a picture of scenery and picked up loads of likes @Swipeleftagain. Are you getting likes at least ? The apps generally tell you if this is the case because they want you to pay to find out who these secret admirers might be.

VienneseWhirligig · 22/02/2021 22:28

I've never done online dating so this may not be particularly helpful - I have no idea what space you get for your profile and so on. I wouldn't say there is anything wrong with what you have written as such. I don't get a sense of you from it though. It seems quite bland and unmemorable - not much of your personality coming through. It's just an observation and as I say might be unhelpful.

Paintedglass · 22/02/2021 22:34

It’s a difficult age. Men your own age or just a bit older, who have some pulling power, tend to be after a woman younger than them. I came to the unhappy realisation when I was using OLD 5 years ago in my mid 40’s that I was selecting men who probably would have been attracted to me 10 years previously. I adjusted my expectations in terms of what I wanted physically. Emotionally, no compromise though.

Good luck OP

JustAnotherOldMan · 22/02/2021 22:48

If I read that, it tells me what you are, but no what you are looking for, it’s a bit uninviting, sorry.

Hails68 · 22/02/2021 22:51

Try OK Cupid. There isn't a matching process. You can message anyone that you like, and it's free.
I think a lot of sites that rely on matches are used by people looking for hook ups rather than proper dates.

Happycat1212 · 22/02/2021 23:15

Really? Hails68 I would have thought it would be the opposite as it means you can’t just get any random pervy men messaging you, you have to actually “like” them as well.

Captnip500 · 23/02/2021 00:34

I wonder, do you live in a sparsely populated area and/or have your location settings on very narrow field? Maybe there just aren’t many people in your search area. It would be very unusual not to get ANY likes or matches if you were active enough on the site yourself .

MizMoonshine · 23/02/2021 01:28

They've got nothing to offer you.

You come across happy and settled in your life, but missing a relationship.
Men in your age group tend to be looking for someone younger to boost their ego and help with their midlife crisis. Usually they've been through divorce and often aren't looking to settle down again.

Essentially, you're not getting matches because you're wife material, and there aren't many men in your area and age range looking for a serious committment.

That or you have two heads.

CatAndHisKit · 23/02/2021 02:12

Is your age range for men too narrow? Or any othr very specific requirements for a partner?
As pp say, if you aim at your own age (within a few years) that's not easy as men in late 40s are looking for younger as they are just divorced / or some may want DC still. So you have to be flexible yourelf re age - or it will take time.

Hails68 · 23/02/2021 03:31

@Happycat1212
Maybe I was very lucky then, I only had conversations with nice people 😊

happytohavefoundyou · 23/02/2021 03:34

@Swipeleftagain Sorry but that came across as boring. Sounds like you have all you want but occasionally would like someone to entertain you.

Key words like fun, friendly are a No No. it's like putting ' hard working' on your CV.
Great friends and career sounds like you don't have a lot of time to offer

Now it's not the worst, and a lot don't even bother at all. So it could be your pictures, but again I found that you can put a picture of a field and still get matches.

It sounds to me that you are a happy success women who would like to share that with someone but to the men they probably find it intimidating.

I would, change the pictures, one Face, Body and a event/ party is what I do.
I would then change the bio to something Inviting like
I watch Christmas films in October & haven't found a cake I don't get along with 😜 '
This will get them to interact with you.

Otherwise pop a titty out and you will definitely get matches (I'm joking 🙃)

flowersrain · 23/02/2021 04:22

I don't think many people are OLD atm due to lockdown - it may pick up when restrictions ease.

Original poster

Swipeleftagain · 23/02/2021 06:58

Thanks this is really interesting. I do get the occasional match and i seem to have likes but on most sites you don’t see them with paying (might have to try the 24 hour tip).

I live about an hour from London and have my area set to a 20 mile radius which is as far as I really want. Age range from 35-55.

I think maybe it’s just men my age - a friend jokingly said all they want is sex and sympathy and she could have a point. They certainly don’t seem to want someone like me (who could offer both but not just that!)

OP posts:

JustAnotherOldMan · 23/02/2021 07:13

[quote happytohavefoundyou]@Swipeleftagain Sorry but that came across as boring. Sounds like you have all you want but occasionally would like someone to entertain you.

Key words like fun, friendly are a No No. it's like putting ' hard working' on your CV.
Great friends and career sounds like you don't have a lot of time to offer

Now it's not the worst, and a lot don't even bother at all. So it could be your pictures, but again I found that you can put a picture of a field and still get matches.

It sounds to me that you are a happy success women who would like to share that with someone but to the men they probably find it intimidating.

Otherwise pop a titty out and you will definitely get matches (I'm joking 🙃)[/quote]
Personally I wouldn’t find you intimidating, but nothing in the snippet of the bio you posted really jumps out, it’s a bit dry, the sort of thing I might write

but as happy says, you need a jokey comment or some kind of open comment to make you stand out

Flip