How to move past the fear of moving forward

[BunchaMunchaCrunchieCarrots]

Hi, looking for some help to get out of the world’s biggest rut. Married for 25 years, three DC, 18, 15 and 11. For various reasons, there just isn’t anything left between me and DH - don’t do anything together (unless I plan it for all of us), no shared interests, not much trust (few incidents but not unfaithful AFAIK), certainly no passion. He doesn’t need me other than for the household stuff, when I’ve needed him he hasn’t been properly there so I’ve tried to be independent. Externally I have a “nice” life, he’s not abusive unless you count the odd insult, no major vices. But I just can’t see how to get back from the dire position we’re in right now and I’m so lonely. I also can’t see how I could leave him, or ask him to leave, as I know that at least one DC holds me responsible for this and will probably go with him, which would break my heart. I just can’t imagine living with the burden of that. I’m so stuck and have no idea how to get out of this. Anyone been there?

Yes, I have but only 1 DC. Can you imagine the rest of your life with him feeling like this?
Why would your DC blame you?

@notagainnomore What did you end up doing? Any regrets?
No, I can’t imagine staying like this forever. One DC pretty much said that it was my fault, because I can’t forgive and forget, though of course it’s much deeper than just what the DC see. Oh and while DH unburdens on the DC, I don’t think that’s OK so they’ve only heard his side of the story.

I told him I didn't love him and wanted to separate. After 18mths, he eventually left! We lived separate lives during that time. It was fairly awful to be honest. Absolutely no regrets whatsoever.
I was always honest with my DS. Explained in age appropriate terms what was happening and have never bitched about his DF, who moved abroad.
Although you don't want to do the 'pick me dance' with your kids, there is no harm in talking to them and gently explaining your side of things. Is it the oldest child blaming you? It might be worth getting some help from a youth counsellor, via school/college. You can't be emotionally blackmailed into staying in an unhappy relationship. You have to do what's best for you to enable you to be the best Mum you can be.

No advice, but in a similar position minus the kids knowing or blaming anyone. I was wryly smiling at you organising all family activities, little trust and odd insulting comment. I have just been on the phone to 'amicable' this morning to begin to talk through my options regards finances, children etc.

@NotAgainNoMore yes it’s the oldest child blaming me. They all seem fine at the moment, though I am constantly reading how much Harm it does to have unhappy parents. Outwardly we are just “meh” towards each other, not shouting and screaming.
@PatButchersEarring what helped you realise it was time to go?

Strangely OP, his older kids (step) blamed me. His exDW (before me) left him for another man, moved him in straight away, that failed and she had numerous relationships over the years. That was obviously fine with them!
The seething resentment towards me was unbelievable and I did have it out with them eventually - they were adults by this time.
He proved what a shit DF he was by fecking off abroad - he wasn't any good when he was here anyway - long story.
Your eldest will come round in time. Be patient with him.