DP and drugs

[Plsfix]

DP does recreational drugs on the weekends (yes even now during Covid). I don’t think its setting a good example to our young dd (currently unaware but for how much longer) and also I’m pregnant with our second. I feel like I should try & make the marriage work but I am struggling. Can anyone help please

Drugs would be an instant dealbreaker for me, especially if there are children involved.

I presume you have asked him to stop. What does he say?

Also, how much is it all costing?

So he’s taking drugs alone? Or is he going out to do them? Has he always done this since you got together?

For me, there would be a huge difference between someone doing coke/pills/party drugs every weekend vs having a couple of spliffs every weekend. The latter wouldn’t worry me (as long as it was out of sight of children and didn’t affect the person’s ability to function/relationships. The former would be a dealbreaker for me.

Spliffs but harder drugs when he could

I love him but finding it a struggle, it was easier pre kids now I feel more protective of our family

It would be a dealbreaker for me.

I couldn't respect him.

It's ok to know your own worth and say you deserve better

Oh op what an awful situation to be in I really feel for you

However

I wouldn't have had children with a druggy or even consider going out with one to be honest

If he isn't willing to give up and get help to become clean he needs to go

When your children are older and say something to a teacher about Daddy and you have social services or the police knocking on the door it'll be too late

Do something about it now

Sending big hugs 🤗

@Plsfix

Spliffs but harder drugs when he could

I love him but finding it a struggle, it was easier pre kids now I feel more protective of our family

So harder drugs when life is more normal again then.

You're right he's a shit role model.

He's also spending family money on something illegal that could get him in trouble.

Is he really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? I appreciate you have children with him but sometimes it's better to split and focus on keeping them safe, secure and happy rather than expecting a wanker to suddenly not be a wanker.

Focus on you and the kids, put them first by not living with a drug user.

He is not bothering to protect your family so why should you?

He is choosing fun/drugs over his family. He is clearly telling you where is priorities are and he knows you will pick up the slack.
Its not just about the night he takes tge drugs its about the days after where he is too fucked to fully engage with family life.

Sorry but for me this would not be what I signed up for. Your children are better off without a drug addicted selfish father.
Stop thinking you are doing right by the kids by staying with him. You are not. His habit will negatively affects finances, your relationship, his parenting and their upbringing.

Oh hell no.

I could have let a little weed by if it was only on special occasions...but not weekly. Let alone during a lockdown! Let alone harder drugs!

The trouble with people smoking spliffs is they then can't be arsed to do anything.

So you do the childcare at weekends while he sits about getting stoned? It would be a deal breaker for me.

An occasional joint I could forgive but not regular use or harder drugs. Especially not if he has to care for kids!
If he wont stop, kick him out.

I would not touch a druggie with a barge pole. If they got in trouble with the law i could lose my job.
That's even before the moral issues.
Grim.

Does he earn enough to pay for it, as in you and DC are not going short of food and essentials.

Yuck, a druggie. Why did you decide he was good father material in the first place?

He is a high earner and works in an environment that turns a blind eye (fee earner in finance... unfortunately drugs are commonplace and one of the trappings). When we were dating he did it occasionally but more so now, I think due to the pressure of work

Obviously it’s not ok. I am unhappy about it. I only realised the extent over the weekend when I checked his phone

@Plsfix

He is a high earner and works in an environment that turns a blind eye (fee earner in finance... unfortunately drugs are commonplace and one of the trappings). When we were dating he did it occasionally but more so now, I think due to the pressure of work

Obviously it’s not ok. I am unhappy about it. I only realised the extent over the weekend when I checked his phone

Oh so coke. Back to regular amounts when work is back to normal.

Wasting money, being an increasingly massive dick over time and it only takes one baggie in the house with kids for a disaster to happen. Or one random search from the police. Coke goes hand in hand with drinking and really fucking bad decision making.

Leave him.

He's a high earner so you'll get some decent support financially and can also claim UC for additional support. I know it will still be very tough but there's few things as shit as living with a drug user you increasingly dislike over time. Death by a thousand papercuts.

And you'll always be the unreasonable one to him, he'll say you don't understand the pressure of the job / you're ungrateful as he earns so much / everyone else does it and none of their wives care / you were the one who really wanted a family etc... it's never a drug users fault in their eyes.

Leave.

Ugh. Total dealbreaker for me.

I hate all drugs. All doctors will say even pot is harmful. A boyfriend giving me spliffs landed me in hospital with bipolar the first time.

It also effects people's ability to relate to others in relationships.