Men don't want to be loved, they want to be liked. Would you agree with this statement?

[Jenny215]

Well my question says it all really. It's made me rethink things, is it really true?

what utter nonsense.. have you been on the crack pipe?

Rubbish
My oh is quite an easy book to read and he loves to be adored, not liked. He needs undeniable, total independent adoration and nothing less.

Seems to me men want to be both loved and liked by their partner, and liked by other men and women. Women have been killed for not showing liking to a man.

I think it's an interesting and valid discussion but discussing it would probably be deemed anti-Men, which it isn't of course but I can see how it could happen

Just another silly soundbite that's trying to sound So Deep and Meaningful but when you think about it - is nonsense.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Men are nearly half the population. It’s always foolish to talk about them like they’re all identical.

Yep, totally agree with this.

Absolute nonsense. I think to a degree men need to be loved more than women! Women often need the reassurance but men do need to feel loved. I've had several boyfriends that are quite needy and clingy!

Yes, rubbish.

And in what world is shagging about showing "like" for someone? I like my friends, I don't shag them.

Weird generalisation, and as likely to be true of women as men.

Actually it's probably a good relationship test. Ignore protestations of 'love', does your partner actually seem to really like you?

Women like to be blindfolded and spanked with a woman's weekly, whilst having cheeky girls played on repeat and smelling fresh coffee....

No? Not your thing? Exactly. I'm sure some women would agree (somewhere) but other, less appealing than lockdown 4.0

Please stop generalising men (and women) and putting even more labels on things that don't need then

I think women put more emphasis on being cherished/cared for within a relationship (so a more "romatic" expression of love). This is probably because a lot of the time men get that without needing to ask - either from their partner and other women in their lives. E.g. emotional support, validation, a listening ear, someone who will cook for them, buy them medecine if poorly, notice if they are feeling down. These are all things most women I know value highly, but most men probably wouldnt think to list them as important. But they would miss it if it wasnt there.

I am not saying all men are rubbish by the way, lots and lots do all the above without being asked. Many women probably dont. But I think men in general they are less socialised to do it automatically, but are used to receiving it and some therefore take it for granted to a certain extent.

I mean why don't you stop and think about it for a while.

What do you mean by like? It can mean bloody anything from being someone's best friend to pretty much neutral.

What do you mean by love? Sexual love - if you're focusing on that, why would men want the 'non-sex' version which is what 'like' would be closer to?

If you mean love as in the whole package - deep affection, commitment blah blah - again, why would someone want the 'watered-down' version more than the all-in of partnership (ie love)?

If you're being negative about men, you'd probably be thinking along the lines of 'men just want sex/men just want someone to look after them'... again, you'd want someone to 'be in love' with you in order to be happy providing all that stuff. Someone 'liking' you wouldn't get you very far with persuading them to always be the one to do the dishes and wash their pants...

If you're thinking along the lines of 'men don't want intense emotional stuff, they just want things to be laid back' - you're back to square one - what do you mean by 'like'? Some people do indeed prefer partnerships to be laid back... but the word 'like' would probably not be what they used to describe it really.

It also boils down to - I guess if you really tried to come up with one difference between the two when you're thinking along the lines of a partnership, love would be reserved for one person whereas the far lighter, less deep 'like' doesn't imply that at all.

And I don't think that's what anyone's aiming for in a relationship, be they laid back, selfish, intense, neutral, whatever. No one wants to be one of many options!

So -complete, meaningless nonsense.

Most men have no grasp at all of what a "romantic gesture" actually is, and only do them because they think women seem to like them.

@apalledandshocked I think you're right than men aren't conditioned to show love through acts, whereas women are.

I do think a large proportion of men put the admiration of their male peers above the love of a partner or even a child.

I think there is some truth to the statement men want to be respected, women want to be loved.

I think that's where a lot of women go wrong, they think "love" is enough and can compensate for being treated like rubbish. "But I love him" / "we love each other" - yeah, but if it isn't accompanied by loyalty, respect and care, and yes, liking, then it's worthless.

I agree about generalising

Love vs like is thought provoking though. Being loved can be a terrible nuisance. Being liked, a lot, is a bit different. Being loved makes me feel someone depends on me, which I can't abide. Could that be it?

I'm quite "whatever love means". It has no value by itself.

I suppose that it depends on what you think "love" means.

Speaking for myself, I want to be loved and liked.

Women like to be blindfolded and spanked with a woman's weekly
Channelling Victoria Wood there I see

I think there is some truth to the statement men want to be respected, women want to be loved
Just came on to disagree with this statement, to say that it is sexist rubbish that shores up abusive relationships, and then noticed it was posted by that open misogynist StamfordHill - the guy who thinks he is doing charity work if he pays a destitute prostitute to suck his cock.

What a complete non-surprise that such a misogynist would spout this sexist retrograde, keeping-women-in-their-place crap. Tell me Stamford, is there any sexist, man serving stereotype you don't endorse?

Everyone needs to be respected in relationships. If your relationship is not based on mutual and equal respect then it is one you should leave.

For men it's slightly more important to feel they're looked up to, their OH values their opinions, trusts their judgements etc. While for women it's slightly more important to feel they're everything in the OH's life and there's nothing and nobody more important to him than them.

Yes probably true in a lot of cases - and, absolutely not described at all in the word 'like'. In fact it hints at quite the opposite - 'like' seems pretty easy going , banal, very much on the same level, definitely no suggestion of 'looking up' to that person. The word would then be respect, definitely not 'like'.

but...

...those same men who would be hung up on being 'respected' would also want to think that no-one was as important as them to their partner, because that's part of it! This kind of man wouldn't at ALL like the image of their partner 'liking' them a lot but being laid back and not clingy... possibly even listening to and respecting other people just as much as him - !!

I think there is some truth to the statement men want to be respected, women want to be loved
Just came on to disagree with this statement, to say that it is sexist rubbish that shores up abusive relationships, and then noticed it was posted by that open misogynist StamfordHill - the guy who thinks he is doing charity work if he pays a destitute prostitute to suck his cock.

Oh no I totally agree with this by the way. I do think it's true of some men - probably quite a lot of men - and yes they would be misogynist twats, generally. Note : NAMALT - I prefer QALOMA - quite a lot of men actually.

But to go back to the point - the word 'like' is possibly the least useful and most meaningless, off the point word in every single one of these discussions so far.

We all want to be loved and liked, don't we? I think the "liked" bit does tend to get forgotten though, and in LTRs people can become invisible. That inherent fondness for the other person is so important to uphold.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation Yes, I think men astonishing levels of loyalty to other men is a whole other discussion.

I also thinbk that, while of course everyone wants to be respected, it is wise to be wary of men who bang on and on about "respect" and what they consider signs of disrespect V signs of respect. And by "be wary" I mean run away fast.

I think "Like" and "Love" are complicated and have many different meanings. I Like my washing machine, I have had it years and it works really well. I Love my robot vacuum cleaner. I love it so much, it has made my life so much easier and I dont know what I would do if it broke - well actually I do, I would throw it away and reluctantly go back to a standard vaccum till I could afford a new one.

I would not like to be treated by anyone the way I treat my washing machine or vacuum cleaner. But "I like/love you" isnt a guarantee that you are in a healthy relationship unless the person you are with also sees you as a human being. Normally in my experience when women talk about being respected they mean that. Sometimes men mean something else.